Baseball and Dadisms 2020

Baseball and Dadisms 2020
 
 

Baseball and Dadisms 2020

 I miss baseball. I mean, what would it be like to go an entire summer without baseball? That's something I had never considered, but I'm afraid we just might find out. The thought makes me shutter.

  Every year as Father's Day approaches, I miss my Dad, and because I have so many special memories of him regarding baseball, I think I miss him most this year. So it only seems fitting this year to offer my annual column on Dadisms  as an honor to my Dad and the countless other Dads who taught us so much about life through the lens of baseball. (Certainly, there are lots of Moms who love baseball, too, but that's another column for another time).

  In response to my requests, many of you sent in your favorite Dadisms over the last few weeks. I appreciated  them all, and I also enjoyed the many stories you shared about your fathers, stepfathers, grandfathers, and other father figures. Your stories provided a context for what you shared, and that made them even more meaningful. Several of your stories, like mine, included special baseball memories with fathers and grandfathers.

  So here is a baseball-themed version of my annual tribute to the wise sayings from the important men in our lives.

"There is no 'I' in the word 'team.'" While not unique to baseball, the wisdom of this saying reminds us that it is "not always about you." Sometimes being a good team player is graciously being willing to sit on the bench so that others can have their turn to pitch or swing the bat on any given day. I always have great respect for aging veterans who fully accept their role as no longer being everyday players, and instead focus on mentoring the players or players that will someday replace them.

"Know what you are going to do with the ball before it is hit to you." 

This is excellent advice in baseball and in life. Applied to baseball, it means to know the situation--how many outs there are, what the score is, and how many runners are on base--before the ball is hit, so that there will be no hesitation as to what to do if the ball does come your way. Applied to life, it means we need to know our responses to both positive opportunities and potentially harmful situations before they arise. Parents can teach their children, particularly teens, to practice their responses and be prepared ahead of time for potential negative influences and temptations. This is excellent advice for adults as well.

 "Wait for your pitch," and "Let the game come to you." 

These two similar sayings remind us that patience is the key to making good decisions in all aspects of life. Knowing when not to swing at a pitch is as important as knowing when to swing. Take your time, weigh your options, and resist trying to force the game to come to you. 

 "Keep your eye on the ball."  

This piece of wisdom was shared in an attempt to make a player a better hitter. The wisdom here is all about the importance of being focused, and of paying attention to what is right in front of you.  In our work and personal lives, as with baseball, staying focused on what is most important is vital. "Keep the main thing, the main thing," is another way of saying this same thing.

"Look the ball into your glove."  

This is a similar piece of wisdom but related to being a good fielder. The lesson here is, again, the importance of focus and concentration. Errors are easily made if a fielder is looking to where they are going to throw the ball, rather than focusing on watching the ball land into the glove. The parallel to this in terms of family wellness is the gift we offer another person when we are truly present to them--when our conversation with them is all that matters to us at that moment. We follow their words carefully, just like we follow the ball into the glove, never taking our eyes off of them. We need to avoid making the error of losing track of the ball in the crucial relationships of our lives, as well as on the field.  

 "Shake it off."  

This is often said either after a tough loss, after making an error, or getting hit by a pitch. This is not only sound advice, but it sends a positive, hopeful message. Things don't always go as planned. We all experience defeat and loss on and off the field. These things don't have to define us though. When we are hurting--in life or in baseball-maintaining emotional and spiritual resiliency is the key to recovering and moving on. 

 "Know when and how to sacrifice." 

In baseball, executing a skilled sacrifice involves advancing or scoring another player who is on base at the expense of giving yourself up for an out; it's a selfless act. This can be done by bunting or by hitting a deep fly ball to the outfield (or even hitting to the right side of the infield, if there is a runner on second). It may look easy, but being able to make a well-timed sacrifice consistently takes years of practice, as many dads know through sacrificing for their families over the years.

"2-4-6-8, who do we appreciate? Yay ....________!" 

My baseball coaches always had our team recite this cheer after every game, win or lose, filling the blank in with the name of the team we had just played.  Learn to be a humble and gracious loser, as well as a humble and kind winner.  

   And that seems like a great way to conclude this year's Dadisms column. "2-4-6-8, who do we appreciate? Yay.... fathers, grandfathers, and all the other influential men in our lives."


Subscribe Now to Weekly Words of Wellness:

Click the button below to signup for the e-mail version of Weekly Words of Wellness. This weekly article can be shared with your community electronically and/or used for group discussion.

You can unsubscribe at any time.

Graduation, Grief, and Gratitude

Graduation, Grief, and Gratitude
 
 

Graduation, Grief, and Gratitude

  Most years, I write a column about the annual rite of passage that so many people and their extended families participate in this time of year— graduations. This year is no different, yet everything is very different. 

  I spent a few hours this week online reading the stories of graduates describing what it has been like to graduate during a pandemic. I also talked with several parents whose sons and daughters are graduating from either high school or college at the momentous time. I even spoke with my grandson, who graduated virtually from kindergarten. What I read and heard can be summed up in two words: grief and gratitude.  

  The grief that graduates are experiencing is palpable. Not being able to attend a traditional graduation ceremony was undoubtedly at the top of the list of disappointments for high school and college seniors. Some of the other losses that were mentioned included not being able to say good-bye to friends and teachers, the canceling of the spring musical, the soccer and track seasons, prom, the internship, their senior art exhibit, the final dance recital, and “not being able to share my graduation with my extended family who made it possible for me to be the first person from my family to go to college.”  

  I also heard stories of gratitude. Students were thankful for the length to which teachers went to transition classes online to provide them the support and mentoring they needed to complete their programs. Several students reported that there was something special about sitting in their homes watching their virtual graduation with their families because it was the support of their families that made it possible for them to succeed. Still, other students expressed their gratitude that they and their loved ones were healthy. Some knew of people who had been sick and were grateful for all the essential workers working on the front lines of health care helping others.  

  When I read and heard what students were experiencing, I had this sense that we are going to have a number of “old souls” growing up and through this trying time. Urban Dictionary defines an old soul as “A spiritual person who is wise beyond their years; people of strong emotional stability.” In my experience, old souls are formed in the crucible of challenging circumstances. I feel confident that this class of graduates will have both the grit and the resilience to develop a spiritual wisdom well beyond their years. And the world will be well-served by their contributions.  

  Last year I discovered a quote about grief and gratitude that I remembered when I thought of what this year’s graduates are experiencing. The words are from Francis Weller, a psychotherapist who specializes in grief. If I change the words in the first line from “the mature person” to “the graduates of 2020,” it almost reads like a prayer that I would like to offer on behalf of all who are graduating this year. 

"The work of the mature person is to carry grief in one hand and gratitude in the other and to be stretched large by them. How much sorrow can I hold? That's how much gratitude I can give. If I carry only grief, I'll bend toward cynicism and despair. If I have only gratitude, I'll become saccharine and won't develop much compassion for other people's suffering. Grief keeps the heart fluid and soft, which helps make compassion possible." 


Subscribe Now to Weekly Words of Wellness:

Click the button below to signup for the e-mail version of Weekly Words of Wellness. This weekly article can be shared with your community electronically and/or used for group discussion.

You can unsubscribe at any time.

Doing Better When We Know Better

Doing Better When We Know Better
 
 

Doing Better When We Know Better

St. John’s Episcopal Church in Washington, DC, located immediately across from the White House, has been prominently featured in the news this week. Those of us who are members of the Episcopal Church (as I have been the entire sixty-four years of my life) took particular note. 

For those unfamiliar with the Episcopal Church, one of the things we are known for is the beautiful and poetic language of our Book of Common Prayer. There is one particular prayer from our prayerbook that has been on my mind this week.

That prayer is the Prayer of Confession, and I pray it these days as a confession of my own failure to address the sin of racism more fully in my life. From my personal and professional experience, I know that an honest accounting of one’s shortcomings and blind spots is at the heart of authentic spirituality. This is a truth shared by all religions. While not sufficient in and of itself, honest confession and repentance is a first and necessary step in creating change.

These are the particular words from the Prayer of Confession that speak to me right now:

“…we confess that we have sinned against you

in thought, word, and deed,

by what we have done,

and by what we have left undone.

We have not loved you with our whole heart;

we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves. 

We are truly sorry and we humbly repent.”

When I think of the sin of racism, I find it essential to remember that it can take the forms of “thought, word, or deed” and how my own shortcomings include not just “what I have done," but what I have “left undone.” This week I have become particularly aware of much that I have left undone when it comes to proactively dismantling systemic racism. 

Acknowledging my shortcomings is the first step, but as I already said, it is not sufficient. One of the teachings in our Living Compass wellness programs is, “You have to do different to get different.” That is my commitment going forward.  

What is happening now in our country provides a mirror for all of us to look into and reflect honestly on our thoughts, words, and deeds. It is a time to reflect on what we have done and what we have left undone. And as the quote from Maya Angelou at the top of the column says, it is a time to do better, once we know better. 


Subscribe Now to Weekly Words of Wellness:

Click the button below to signup for the e-mail version of Weekly Words of Wellness. This weekly article can be shared with your community electronically and/or used for group discussion.

You can unsubscribe at any time.

Recombobulating in Place

Recombobulating in Place
 
 

Recombobulating in Place

  Have you ever visited General Mitchell International Airport in Milwaukee, Wisconsin? It’s my hometown airport and so I pass through it often (although not lately, of course).  If you visited our airport, you have likely had the opportunity to experience one of its kind “Recombobulation Area" The pride of having this unique place for people to gather themselves and their belongings after they pass through airport security is so famous that you can even buy a “Recombobulation T-Shirt,” at the airport gift shop. The photo at the top of the column is a close-up photo of one of those T-Shirts.

  I have thought about the airport sign several times this week-not because I have returned to a busy travel schedule (I am still fully sheltered in place and working from home). I thought about it because, in several conversations I’ve been a part of over the past few days, the person I was talking with used the word discombobulated to describe how they were feeling. I’m pretty sure I may have even used the term myself a few times.

  Webster’s dictionary defines discombobulated as “characterized by confusion or disorder.” With all that is happening in the world right now, is it any wonder that this is a common way of feeling? Any former sense of normal is over, and as we now slowly start to figure out what the new normal will look like, we each, individually and collectively, will inevitably experience confusion and disorder.

  So what is the remedy for feelings of discombobulation? You already know….recombobulation! And the good news is that one doesn’t need to pass through the Milwaukee airport to experience it.

  As the definition on the T-Shirt says, recombobulation means to “think clearly again, re-orient, and to put back in working order.” Here is a list of practices I have learned during the last ten weeks, ones that help me put myself back in order when I’m feeling discombobulated.

*Daily movement. I get outside for some form of exercise every day, even if the weather is bad. The combination of movement and fresh air always clears my head.

*A good night’s sleep. There is no way to do an end-run around our need for good sleep each night, especially when we are feeling discombobulated. As Matthew Walker, the author of Why We Sleep says, “If our species could have evolved to get by on less than seven or eight hours of sleep, we would have done so long ago.”

*A regular practice of meditation/prayer. Last week I wrote about the importance of a daily quiet time to renew and reconnect one’s self with the Sacred dimension of life.

*Social connections. People have been wise to make the distinction between physical distancing and social distancing. During this pandemic I have had to take more initiative in order to stay socially connected with others, and when I do, I always feel renewed.  

*Humor. I have a habit of taking things too seriously, and so need to intentionally find opportunities to have a good laugh. One of the things I love about the “Recombobulation Area” sign at the Milwaukee airport is that it always brings a smile to peoples' faces, if they are not in too big of a rush to notice it. This is a good reminder for me that there are always things around me that can amuse me or bring a smile to my face, unless I am too rushed to notice.  

*Gratitude. It is so easy to focus on what is wrong or what we lack, especially now. Even in the hardest of times, there is still much about which I can be grateful. Part of my daily prayer time includes a focus on that for which I am thankful.

*Music. Listening to and playing music always brings order and calm to my life. 

   The bad news is that discombobulation happens. The good news is that  so does recombobulation, and you don’t have to fly through MIlwaukee to experience it. We all have the capacity to recombobulate in place. I’ve shared a few things that help me reorient my life on a daily basis, and now I’m wondering—what works for you?  Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section below.


Subscribe Now to Weekly Words of Wellness:

Click the button below to signup for the e-mail version of Weekly Words of Wellness. This weekly article can be shared with your community electronically and/or used for group discussion.

You can unsubscribe at any time.

Being Quiet

Being Quiet
 
 

Being Quiet

 “We need quiet time to examine our lives openly and honestly — spending quiet time alone gives your mind an opportunity to renew itself and create order.”  Susan Taylor

  My soul was renewed this past week by the gift of spending time with our two grandsons. They are ages six and four, and the wonder and curiosity they express about virtually everything around them are infectious. 

  I recently made up something I named the “quiet game” that we play together, one that builds on their innate sense of delight and curiosity. In this game, I set a timer for anywhere from thirty seconds to a minute, and the rules are that we all have to be completely quiet,  listening to all the sounds that we hear in the silence. When the timer goes off, everyone takes turns naming the sounds they heard. The beauty of this game is that we can play it anywhere, and each different location reveals new sounds.     

  When we played the quiet game outside this past weekend, we were fascinated by all the birds that we heard. Both the variety of sounds and the loudness of their songs were remarkable. I mentioned to them that I heard on the radio a person talking about how during this time, when the world is much quieter than usual, many people are reporting that they hear bird songs they have not previously heard.  My grandsons and I can attest to this being true.

  I wish I had a video I could show you of our grandsons’ faces when we play the quiet game. They open their eyes very wide, slowly turn their heads back and forth, and the expression on their faces is one of excited anticipation. When they hear a unique sound, their faces light up with delight, and it’s clear they can barely wait to report what they have heard.

   Every morning I play a slightly different version of the quiet game as I take time to sit in silence for at least ten minutes. This time of meditation is essential to my overall well-being as it allows me to notice things I might not otherwise. This includes the presence of the Spirit, as well as what is bubbling up from the deeper recesses of my mind. Noting the joys that arise helps me to be grateful for the many blessing in my life. When worries arise, I simply note them and then gently release them. Sometimes I write in a journal about what I have heard and experienced in my quiet time. 

  Whether I am playing the quiet game with my grandsons or engaging in my quiet time each morning, my goal is to approach both experiences with the  curiosity and delight that my grandsons so fully embody. When I can do that, I experience the truth expressed in the above quote from Susan Taylor, “Spending quiet time alone gives your mind an opportunity to renew itself and create order.”

  How might you embrace the gift of quiet this week, both within and around you?


Subscribe Now to Weekly Words of Wellness:

Click the button below to signup for the e-mail version of Weekly Words of Wellness. This weekly article can be shared with your community electronically and/or used for group discussion.

You can unsubscribe at any time.