A Conspiracy of Love

 
 

A Conspiracy of Love

Last week we wrote about lessons we learned from attending a holiday concert performed by the Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra and their chorus. This week, we attended a very different kind of holiday concert. This one was performed by our grandson and his third-grade classmates, and it, too, was spectacular in its own innocent way.

It’s hard to say who was smiling more at the concert—the children or their families. After each song, we noticed something very special. We saw the parents making a heart shape with their hands and then moving their hands from their hearts toward their children, sending them all the love their hearts were filled with at that moment. What we witnessed was the essence of this quote from Hamilton Wright Mabie, “Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.”

And now it’s our turn to do the same with all of you. As we write this final column of the year, we hold our hands over our hearts and send each of you love and good wishes for the holidays. However you celebrate, may you be blessed by and participate in a “conspiracy of love.”

We look forward to continuing to walk this journey of wholeness and wellness with you in the new year.

Each week Holly and Scott Stoner record the Wellness Compass Podcast. Each episode is about 15 minutes and offers a deeper dive into what appears here in the written column. In this week’s episode, which is a little shorter at about 9 minutes, they expand on “a conspiracy of love.” You can listen to the Wellness Compass podcast in your favorite podcast app, and you can listen by clicking HERE and scrolling down to this week’s episode.


Subscribe Now to Weekly Words of Wellness:

Click the button below to signup for the e-mail version of Weekly Words of Wellness. This weekly article can be shared with your community electronically and/or used for group discussion.

You can unsubscribe at any time.

Tuning Our Instruments First

 
 

Tuning Our Instruments First

We could have titled this column “Three Lessons We Learned From Attending a Holiday Pops Concert” as we had the joy of attending such a concert with some dear friends this past weekend. Here are a few lessons we took from the show that might be helpful reminders to all of us during this holiday season.

Tune your instrument first. 

When the concertmaster (principal violinist) walked on stage, before she played a single note, she paused and spent time getting every one of the musicians in the symphony to tune their instruments. She did the same thing when the musicians came back after intermission. We also noticed that many of the musicians were making minor refinements to their tuning after almost every song. 

Some of us may be spending more time than usual with others during the holidays. Of course, we realize this is only true for some, as others will undoubtedly be alone or away from family and friends. Either way, if we are spending time with others, or are on our own, it’s an excellent reminder to take time to “tune” our emotional and spiritual well-being. Take some time for yourself so you can be positively present to what or who comes your way. If we have taken care of ourselves and are “in tune,” so to speak, we will be well prepared to make better sounding music in our interaction with others. 

Be in the present moment. 

As is the custom with any concert or theater show, an announcement was made at the beginning to silence all cell phones. What a great reminder that we need to be intentional about turning off potential distractions that could block our ability to be fully present in the moment we are experiencing. It took us a few songs to settle in and be fully present to the experience being offered, and once we did, we became fully immersed in the moment and the music and lost all sense of time in the process. For one song, the audience was invited to sing along; for a few minutes, we had almost 1,000 people singing and playing music together. It was indeed a magical moment. And then it was over. And then it was a memory. The same will be true of our holidays. In a few short days, they, too, will be a memory, a reason to concentrate on being in the present moment and all the wonders it has to offer.

The whole is greater than the sum of the parts. 

The Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra was joined by the Milwaukee Symphony Chorus at this concert, making a group of close to 150 musicians. Each musician was highly talented, and yet it was the overall effect of the harmonies and diversity of instruments and voices that created the essence of what everyone joyfully experienced. This helps us remember that none of us are responsible for making all of the “music.” We each have a part to play in making the holidays special, a vital role actually, but the true joy is found in honoring and welcoming what each person has uniquely to offer.  

So there you have it -with a special thanks to the Milwaukee Symphony and Chorus- three lessons we learned from attending a holiday pops concert. We share them in hopes that they inspire you to tune your instrument regularly, seek to be fully present in the moment, and remember that the whole is always greater than the sum of the parts. 

Each week Holly and Scott Stoner record the Wellness Compass Podcast. Each episode is about 15 minutes and offers a deeper dive into what appears here in the written column. In this week’s episode, they expand on these three lessons. You can listen to the Wellness Compass podcast in your favorite podcast app, and you can listen by clicking HERE and scrolling down to this week’s episode.


Subscribe Now to Weekly Words of Wellness:

Click the button below to signup for the e-mail version of Weekly Words of Wellness. This weekly article can be shared with your community electronically and/or used for group discussion.

You can unsubscribe at any time.

Self-Compassion and Grief

 
 

Self-Compassion and Grief

Holidays are a natural time for reminiscing, a time when we fondly remember people and traditions that are no longer a part of our lives. And it is only natural to feel both the joy and sadness of such memories. When we listen closely to others this time of year, it is not uncommon to hear at least a story about a loss they are experiencing and feeling. We might also know someone facing their first holiday after a significant loss or transition.

At our best, when someone shares their grief with us, we hopefully extend a compassionate ear and heart to them. We pause and try to offer them the best holiday gift we can give—the gift of our full and undivided presence. Our offering of compassion will ease their pain for a bit, and they will be grateful for having received the gift of our caring attention.

Now imagine that the person experiencing a loss or transition you encounter is yourself. Are you able to offer yourself the same gift of compassion as readily as you are able to show it to someone else? If not, what do you offer yourself instead? Self-criticism? Distraction? Impatience?

Self-compassion is one of the foundations of well-being and is especially important when we are experiencing the vulnerability of loss. Offering self-compassion to yourself might be a wonderful gift for even you this year. It's worth noting, too, that there is usually a connection between our capacity to offer compassion to ourselves, and our ability to show it to others.  

Here are a few suggestions of how you can care for yourself if or when you find yourself feeling grief during the holidays. 

Be gentle with yourself. Perhaps this is the year you can let go of some of your usual expectations or traditions, so things are simpler and less stressful. 

Take time to rest—being sure to get enough sleep and not to distract yourself with busyness. 

Make intentional time to nurture your spirituality through reading, meditation, prayer, or participating in a faith community's offerings. 

Choose to spend time with people who "get" what you are experiencing and minimize time with people who might be uncomfortable with your feelings. 

These are just a few suggestions. One of the premises in all of our Wellness Compass resources is that when we take the time to slow down enough and truly listen to what our hearts and souls and minds are telling us, we will know what we need to do to care for ourselves.

Compassion is truly one of the greatest gifts we can give this holiday season, to others and ourselves. 

Each week Holly and Scott Stoner record the Wellness Compass Podcast. Each episode is about 15 minutes and offers a deeper dive into what appears here in the written column. In this week’s episode, they expand on grief and self-compassion. You can listen to the Wellness Compass podcast in your favorite podcast app, and you can listen by clicking HERE and scrolling down to this week’s episode.


Subscribe Now to Weekly Words of Wellness:

Click the button below to signup for the e-mail version of Weekly Words of Wellness. This weekly article can be shared with your community electronically and/or used for group discussion.

You can unsubscribe at any time.

Self-Care and the Holidays: Less is More

 
 

Self-Care and the Holidays: Less is More

In 1907 a young architect by the name of Ludwig Mies van der Rohe was working on a building design for his mentor Peter Behrens. When he presented several different designs to his mentor, Behrens's advice was to remember that, when designing a building, many times, "less is more."

The messages we receive during this holiday season are just the opposite. They are often some version of "more is more," as we are encouraged to buy more, do more, eat more, drink more, and want more. Our experience as therapists is that this can actually be a recipe for more stress and strife in ourselves and our relationships. 

And so, as we enter the holiday season, we invite each of us to make choices about the kind of experiences we wish to design for ourselves, keeping in mind the advice that "less is more."

Making It Personal:

Are you feeling pressure to do more this time of year? What is one thing you wish to do less of during the next four weeks? Can you think of some way in which doing less could lead to enjoying more of what you want to experience this holiday season?

Each week Holly and Scott Stoner record the Wellness Compass Podcast. Each episode is about 15 minutes and offers a deeper dive into what appears here in the written column. In this week’s episode, they talk more about self-care and the holidays. You can listen to the Wellness Compass podcast in your favorite podcast app, and you can listen by clicking HERE and scrolling down to this week’s episode.


Subscribe Now to Weekly Words of Wellness:

Click the button below to signup for the e-mail version of Weekly Words of Wellness. This weekly article can be shared with your community electronically and/or used for group discussion.

You can unsubscribe at any time.

Let the Gratefulness Overflow Into Blessing

 
 

Let the Gratefulness Overflow Into Blessing

This week's column's title comes from one of my favorite videos. We have shared it in this column before, as it speaks so eloquently about the true meaning of Thanksgiving. 

The video, which focuses on nature, beauty, and gratitude, brings the stunning photography of Louie Schwartzberg together with the spoken words of Benedictine monk Brother David Steindl-Rast. Brother David invites us to pay attention, really pay attention to the simple gifts and blessings of life that can be so quickly be taken for granted. He points out that paying attention to the wonder of nature and the wonder of the people we encounter in our life is the basis for authentic gratitude. We could not agree more.

You can view the video HERE:  If you want to read along as Brother David speaks, the text of his words follows. His narration is spectacular, and so we highly recommend listening to him recite these words.  

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you, and in the words of Brother David, "May your gratefulness overflow into blessing all around you.” 

  “You think that this is just another day in your life. It's not just another day. It's the one day that is given to you - today. It's given to you. It's a gift. It's the only gift that you have right now. And the only appropriate response is gratefulness. 

  If you do nothing else but to cultivate that response to the great gift that this unique day is. If you learn to respond as if it were the first day in your life and the very last day, then you will have spent this day very well. 

  Begin by opening your eyes, and be surprised that you have eyes you can open to that incredible array of colors that is constantly offered to us for our pure enjoyment. Look at the sky. We so rarely look at the sky. We so rarely note how different it is from moment to moment, with clouds coming and going. We just think of the weather, and even with the weather we don't think of all the many nuances of weather. We just think of "good weather" and "bad weather." 

  This day, right now, with its unique weather, may be a kind that will never exactly in that form come again. The formation of clouds in the sky will never be the same as it is right now. Open your eyes. Look at that. 

  Look at the faces of people whom you meet. Each one has an incredible story behind their face, a story that you could never fully fathom. Not only their own story, but the story of their ancestors. We all go back so far.

  And in this present moment on this day, all the people you meet, all that life from generations, and from so many places all over the world, flows together and meets you here like a life-giving water, if you only open your heart and drink. 

  Open your heart to the incredible gifts that civilization gives to us. You flip a switch, and there is electric light. You turn a faucet, and there is warm water, and cold water, and drinkable water, a gift that millions and millions in the world will never experience. 

  So these are just a few of an enormous number of gifts to which you can open your heart. 

  And so I am wishing you will open your heart to all these blessings and let them flow through you. Know that everyone you will meet on this day will be blessed by you, just by your eyes, by your smile, by your touch, just by your presence. 

  Let the gratefulness overflow into blessing all around you. Then it will really be a good day.”

Words by Brother David Steindl-Rast

**Please note that we will be taking a week off as we travel for Thanksgiving. This column will resume in two weeks.

Each week Holly and Scott Stoner record the Wellness Compass Podcast. Each episode is about 15 minutes and offers a deeper dive into what appears here in the written column. In this week’s episode, they talk more about the connection between gratitude and well-being. You can listen to the Wellness Compass podcast in your favorite podcast app, and you can listen by clicking HERE and scrolling down to this week’s episode.


Subscribe Now to Weekly Words of Wellness:

Click the button below to signup for the e-mail version of Weekly Words of Wellness. This weekly article can be shared with your community electronically and/or used for group discussion.

You can unsubscribe at any time.