Time to Forgive
Tonight, at sundown, our Jewish sisters and brothers will begin to celebrate Rosh Hashanah, a celebration marking the beginning of the Jewish New Year. It is also the start of the Ten Days of Repentance, culminating with Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the Jewish year, on the evening of September 28th. As you may know, the practice of forgiveness is a primary focus during the observance of these sacred holy days.
I heard a fascinating story on the radio this week about how some rabbis are preparing for what will be mostly online celebrations of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur this year. As they work on preparing the messages for these upcoming services in this unique time of COVID-19, they are researching the texts of the messages given during the same High Holidays in the midst of the 1918 flu pandemic.
The radio story contained narrations of some of these 1918 messages, and I found they revolved around a common theme. Life is precious. Life is fragile. Life is fleeting. None of us know how much time we have. Knowing this, in the midst of this 1918 Spanish flu pandemic, the message of forgiveness was talked about as being even more crucial. And while it is always the right time to forgive, the vulnerability of what people were experiencing in that flu pandemic made forgiveness both more essential and urgent in 1918.
Is this not a timeless and timely message for today? Judaism and all of the world's religions stress the significance of forgiveness. And even if one is not a member of a religious faith, we know that the practice of forgiveness is foundational to one’s emotional and relational well-being.
When talking about forgiveness, it is helpful to remember that forgiveness and reconciliation are two separate processes. This is crucial because people often say they can never forgive someone because they do not want to reconcile with them. One can forgive without ever connecting with the person being forgiven. That’s why it is possible to forgive people we will never see again, including those who have passed away. This is because forgiveness is an internal, individual choice. And sometimes, that internal process of forgiveness we seek to practice is not of another person, but ourselves.
If you want to learn more about this complex subject, I highly recommend two books. The first is The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World, by Desmond Tutu, a Nobel Peace prize winner, and Mpho Tutu, the executive director of the Desmond & Leah Tutu Legacy Foundation. The quote at the top of this column is from this book. The second book is Forgiveness Is a Choice: A Step-by-Step Process for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope by Robert Enright. Enright is a psychology professor at the University of Wisconsin at Madison and the president of the International Forgiveness Institute.
We are all very aware of the many things that COVID-19 prevents us from doing right now. The list is long of things we are not currently able to do. One thing we will not find on that list, though, is the ability to forgive. The current pandemic in no way prevents us from practicing forgiveness. In fact, it might just be reminding us of what we always knew, but often forget. Life is precious. Life is fragile. Life is fleeting. None of us know how much time we have.
And while it is always the right time to forgive, the vulnerability we are all experiencing during this pandemic makes forgiveness both more essential and urgent.
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