The Surprise of Christmas

The first Christmas was such a surprise that no doubt most people missed it. No one was expecting the Incarnate One to be born to a frightened young couple surrounded by a stable of animals. It was far from the royal entrance that most expected. The story of Christmas, both the first Christmas and today, is a reminder that God's love, God's generosity shows up in the most surprising ways, often in ways that we least expect. I had just such a surprise just a few weeks ago. My wife, Holly, and I recently spent the weekend in downtown Chicago to celebrate her birthday. On that Sunday morning we walked from our hotel to St. James Episcopal Cathedral to worship. Our path through some of the downtown streets took us by several men, who by all appearances, looked as if they had not slept inside for a very long time. One of them approached us for money and we nodded, "No". We had made a decision long ago to support organizations that serve those in need rather than give direct support when asked, believing that the money would be wisely used to best serve the people just like these men. It was still hard to walk past them however, especially, in this case, as we were on our way to church. We felt very conflicted!

Well, God certainly has a sense of humor because as it turns out our wrestling with the right decision regarding directly supporting a person in need was not over! We arrived at the historic cathedral twenty minutes early and went in to find a place to sit in one of the beautiful, dark pews. As we walked into the church I pointed out a sign that said "no solicitation allowed on church premises" and we used that message as tacit support for our decision to not give money to the men we had passed on the way to church.

We had only been in our pew for a few minutes when a man who also appeared to have not slept inside for some time came and sat right behind us. As soon as he sat down he leaned forward and tapped us both on the shoulder. "I really need five dollars right now. Do you please have five dollars you can give me. I really need it." See what I mean about God's sense of humor? We both looked at this man with his soft, sweet eyes, and then looked at each other, and although we didn't say a word, we were both thinking, "How can we say, 'no' sitting right here in church!" I opened up my wallet and gave the man a five dollar bill. He shook our hands and thanked us profusely.

Soon after the man received the five dollars he got up and walked out of the church. I cynically thought to myself, "See, he is going out on the street to buy some drugs or alcohol--I knew it!" He returned just as the worship service was starting and once again sat in the pew behind us, a few feet to our right. When the sermon started he left again, only to return fifteen minutes later. He stayed for the remainder of the service.

When it was time to exchange the peace at the midpoint of the service, our new acquaintance greeted us more warmly than anyone else in the now fairly full church. He thanked us for the five dollars, explaining again that he really needed that money today. Right after the exchange of peace comes the offertory. This is when the ushers walk down the aisle and pass collection plates up and down the pews for people to place their donations. We put our money in and then I turned to my right and out of the corner of my eye I witnessed something I will never forget. The man sitting behind us pulled out the five dollar bill we had given him, smiled at us, and put the money in the collection plate. I have never seen a more cheerful giver in my life!

After the service, our new friend explained that this was why he really needed the money. He said he always likes to be able to put something in the collection plate when he comes to church and that he is thrilled when he can give as much as five dollars. And here my Grinch-like heart had thought he wanted the money to waste on drugs or alcohol, when in fact he wanted it so that he could give it to the church. Others may have given more money to the church that morning, but none gave more than this man, because he gave all that he had.

Holly and I will no doubt receive other gifts this Christmas, but we will never forget the gift this man gave us. He reminded us yet again of the abundant, generous, surprising Spirit of God's love that is the essential meaning of Christmas.

Merry Christmas to all of you. May our hearts and souls be open to the surprises of God's love that surround us all every day.

Christmas Music

While driving in my car the last several days I have enjoyed a wide diversity of Christmas music sung by an eclectic group of singers.   Here's a sampling of what I have heard, “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing”, by Carrie Underwood, “Silent Night”, by Willie Nelson,  “White Christmas,” by Katy Perry, “Christmas Lullaby,” by John Rutter and the Cambridge Singers and “The First Noel,” by Bob Dylan.  That's right, even Bob Dylan has a Christmas album.  Bob Dylan recorded his Christmas album entitled “Christmas In The Heart,” two years ago, forty-nine years after the release of his first studio album.  

I don't know this for a fact, but I'm guessing that there are more different styles and arrangements of Christmas music than of any other kind of music. There are no doubt thousands of recordings of “Silent Night,” “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing,” “The First Noel,” and all the other traditional carols.  Because there is no accounting for taste, some versions will inspire us and some others may set our teeth on edge. There are however no actual “right” or “wrong” arrangements of Christmas carols, as it is all a matter of taste.  For many of us, the arrangements we prefer today may be very different from what we preferred when we were younger because we have changed over the years.  The words however are timeless and it is those words that are ultimately the most important part of our Christmas carols.

  Just as there is no one “right” way to arrange Christmas music, there is also no “right” way to arrange our Christmas celebrations with friends and family.  In fact, just as our taste in music changes over time, we will also find that our gatherings with friends and family will also change as well.

  The words of Christmas remain constant as they tell the story of the “Word made flesh.”  How we bring those words to life is always changing, however.  Allow yourself to be flexible and creative in your options. Maybe this is the year to write some “new music” as you gather with friends and family.  Maybe the music will be quiet and more reflective this year, or maybe it will be louder and more up-tempo.   Perhaps there will be more voices singing along this year, or perhaps there will be less.  One thing is for sure though--the music is always changing.

Try to avoid the common mistake of trying to play music from another time that does not fit the present moment.   Let the music change for the circumstances of today, finding comfort in the fact that the words and the message of Christmas are changeless

A Time to Prepare

The following is an excerpt from "Living Well through Advent 2014," I wrote for Living Compass and Morehouse Publishing.  You can order a copy of this booklet through the Resources section of our website. We had some friends over for dinner recently--nothing fancy, just a casual gathering. We made a spicy vegetarian chili and even asked our guests to help with the preparations while we caught up with each other's lives.  They were happy to grab a paring knife and help us trim the numerous vegetables that were going into the large pot on the stove and to help us prepare our salad. Preparing a part of the meal together ended up being a big part of the fun of our evening together.

It is also true that part of the delight of Advent comes from preparing together, preparing together with all our heart, soul, strength, and mind, for the upcoming feast of God's Incarnation.  Preparation, both communally and individually, is the essence of Advent. Just as a gardener needs to prepare the soil before the seeds are planted, or a friend prepares to have friends over for a meal we also need to prepare for Christmas. We need to prepare our hearts to be more open to receiving the seeds of God's life-giving Word.  Isaiah's words ring clear in both the Old Testament and Gospel readings today, "See, I am sending my messenger ahead of you, who will prepare your way; the voice of one crying out in the wilderness: Prepare the way of the Lord, make his paths straight.'" (Isaiah 40:3, Mark 1:3).

So how might we approach this preparation? One way to approach it is to reflect on the root meaning of the word prepare. This word has two components. "Pre," of course, means before, which speaks to preparing as being something we do before or in anticipation of something that will be happening soon. "Pare" means to trim, or to cut. Think of the paring knives you have in your kitchen or the knives that we and our friends used to trim the vegetables that were part of our recent dinner together.

It is not uncommon for someone in a state of post-Christmas exhaustion to reflect back and wish they had done things differently.  Such reflections are, in a sense, an act of “post-paring.”  The person is looking back and wishing they had made different choices, and often that includes wishing that had done less, that they had done a better job paring down certain activities or expectations.  Of course it is impossible to post-pare, but it is indeed possible, and in fact desirable, to pre-pare.  While there may be many things we find ourselves preparing for this time of year, both Isaiah and John the Baptist remind us that the most important prep work we are doing is preparing the way of the Lord.

Throughout the upcoming week we will invite you to reflect upon what you might want to pare, what you might want to trim out of your life in these coming weeks.  Think of something that you might choose to let go of  so as to allow more room, more time and energy for preparing for Jesus' birth. In our Living Compass Faith & Wellness ministry we talk about how we first get a “whisper”, a feeling that something just isn't right, from God when we are not living our lives in alignment with God's desires for us. Sometimes the whisper is in regard to something we need to trim or pare from our lives, something we need to do less of in our lives.  Only when we take the time to be quiet, working to seek out and listen to the voice of the one crying in the wilderness, paying attention to God's whisper can we then repent, and make new choices, choices that will more fully prepare for us the way of the Lord.

Unwrapping the Gift of Gratitude

In honor of this being a short work week, this will be a short column, too! The celebration of Thanksgiving has me thinking about my favorite quote about gratitude. This quote is from an author by the name of William Arthur Ward. "Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it."

In the spirit of this quote, we want to say thank you to all of you who read this column and share it with your friends and family. We at Living Compass are grateful for all the support that you have provided our programs this past year as we continue to work together to support individuals, couples, families and communities in being more proactive about creating wellness and wholeness in their lives.

For what and for whom are you feeling particularly grateful for this year? Following the advice of William Arthur Ward's quote, why not unwrap those feelings of gratitude and give those around you a present by telling them how grateful your are for their presence in your life? You will be glad you did, and so will they.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you from Living Compass.

As Sick As Our Secrets, As Well As Our Honesty

I can still remember the time eight years ago that I tried to keep a secret from myself and from those closest to me.  I had gone out running one day, just as I did then, and still do, on a regular basis.  But during this run I experienced something I had never experienced before--a funny pain in my chest.  At first the pain was faint, but soon it made it impossible for me to continue running.  As soon as I stopped and walked, the pain went away.  I walked home that day and told myself the pain was probably just a pulled muscle in my chest.  After all, I was a runner, I couldn't possibly have an issue related to my heart.  I kept my experience a secret from my wife and family. This same scenario repeated itself on two more occasions over the next four days.  After the third incident I finally told my wife about it.  Can you believe that she thought I should go right to the hospital and have the pain checked out?!  Well, she did and so that's what I did.  A few hours later at the hospital a cardiac catherterization revealed that my right coronary artery was 98% blocked.  Fortunately, a stent was inserted rather quickly and an almost certain heart attack was prevented.  If I had kept my secret much longer, it may very well have killed me.

This incident reminded me yet again of what I have always known about how potentially destructive denial and the keeping of secrets can be.  Two other recent experiences have brought to my attention again the injurys that occur when secrets are protected.  The first is the tragedy we have all watched the last two weeks as the horrible secrets unfolded regarding the abuse committed by a former Penn State football coach. In this case, ignoring and minimizing the truth of what was happening, did lead to a “heart attack” that resulted in devastating damage to the hearts of numerous children, their families, fans and to the trustworthiness of a university.

“J. Edgar”, a recently released movie, also depicts the destructive effects of secrets that are kept.  After leaving the theatre last weekend I felt both deeply disturbed and sad.  While the exact details of J. Edgar Hoover's life will never be fully known to the public, it seems clear that he lived with some deep secrets hidden from view.  He was never able to bring his secret to light and therefore never able to resolve the pain it caused in his life.   Unable to reveal his secret and resolve the secrets in his own life, it appears ironically that he then brought an overdetermined degree of intensity to discovering the secrets of others.

There is a saying in recovery circles that we are only as “sick as our secrets.”  There is great truth in this saying.  Secrets have the power to corrupt and destroy the hearts and souls of individuals, couples, families, and institutions.  Each of us has a story, I'm sure, of how we have seen this first hand in our lives or those of others.   Usually the story is not pretty.

A positive way to reframe the saying that we are as “sick as our secrets' is to say that we also as “well as our honesty.”  Facing and telling the truth is not only good for our physical health, but is absolutely essential for our spiritual, emotional and relational health as well.  If you need help facing a secret in your life, seek out a trusted friend, clergy person, therapist, spiritual director or doctor and take the first step on the path to healing and recovery today.