Graduation, Grief, and Gratitude
Most years, I write a column about the annual rite of passage that so many people and their extended families participate in this time of year— graduations. This year is no different, yet everything is very different.
I spent a few hours this week online reading the stories of graduates describing what it has been like to graduate during a pandemic. I also talked with several parents whose sons and daughters are graduating from either high school or college at the momentous time. I even spoke with my grandson, who graduated virtually from kindergarten. What I read and heard can be summed up in two words: grief and gratitude.
The grief that graduates are experiencing is palpable. Not being able to attend a traditional graduation ceremony was undoubtedly at the top of the list of disappointments for high school and college seniors. Some of the other losses that were mentioned included not being able to say good-bye to friends and teachers, the canceling of the spring musical, the soccer and track seasons, prom, the internship, their senior art exhibit, the final dance recital, and “not being able to share my graduation with my extended family who made it possible for me to be the first person from my family to go to college.”
I also heard stories of gratitude. Students were thankful for the length to which teachers went to transition classes online to provide them the support and mentoring they needed to complete their programs. Several students reported that there was something special about sitting in their homes watching their virtual graduation with their families because it was the support of their families that made it possible for them to succeed. Still, other students expressed their gratitude that they and their loved ones were healthy. Some knew of people who had been sick and were grateful for all the essential workers working on the front lines of health care helping others.
When I read and heard what students were experiencing, I had this sense that we are going to have a number of “old souls” growing up and through this trying time. Urban Dictionary defines an old soul as “A spiritual person who is wise beyond their years; people of strong emotional stability.” In my experience, old souls are formed in the crucible of challenging circumstances. I feel confident that this class of graduates will have both the grit and the resilience to develop a spiritual wisdom well beyond their years. And the world will be well-served by their contributions.
Last year I discovered a quote about grief and gratitude that I remembered when I thought of what this year’s graduates are experiencing. The words are from Francis Weller, a psychotherapist who specializes in grief. If I change the words in the first line from “the mature person” to “the graduates of 2020,” it almost reads like a prayer that I would like to offer on behalf of all who are graduating this year.
"The work of the mature person is to carry grief in one hand and gratitude in the other and to be stretched large by them. How much sorrow can I hold? That's how much gratitude I can give. If I carry only grief, I'll bend toward cynicism and despair. If I have only gratitude, I'll become saccharine and won't develop much compassion for other people's suffering. Grief keeps the heart fluid and soft, which helps make compassion possible."
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