Grief Wears Many Disguises
Since the first of the year, I have received more requests for counseling than usual. Most of them are for help related to grief. Sometimes the person quickly identifies that grief is the reason they are seeking help. Other times it takes several conversations for them to realize that grief is at the root of what they are experiencing.
Grief wears many disguises. It is easy to recognize that we are grieving when sadness is the primary feeling we are experiencing. But grief can also mask itself as anger, depression, fear, bitterness, exhaustion, an inability to make decisions, irritability, difficulty focusing, isolation and withdrawing, cynicism, physical symptoms, and interpersonal conflict.
Grief can also be hard to recognize because we primarily associate grief with death. But there are many other kinds of losses we can grieve. Even if we have been fortunate not to lose someone we love to COVID, all of us have experienced significant losses over the last ten months. Other losses that can emotionally drain us include the loss of a relationship, a job, canceled plans, falling short of reaching a goal or a dream, or letting go of a child who is growing up or moving away.
I have written other columns about the idea that we have two choices regarding dealing with difficult emotions. We can either talk emotions out, or we can act them out.
This is an especially helpful reminder when it comes to grief. The best way to grieve is to grieve, allowing ourselves to feel it and talk about it with others. And to do this, we also have to be willing to unmask our grief when it presents as anger or when it shows up disguised as something else.
I watched Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech earlier today. It’s something I do in honor of his celebration every year. While he was addressing the particular, horrific grief of racial injustice, his words provide timeless guidance and hope for all experiences of loss.
I was also inspired by reading several other quotes from Dr. King, these two in particular.
“Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness.”
“I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word.”
May these words be a balm for your soul in the midst of whatever losses you may be grieving right now. May they help us all to unarm our grief and trust in the power of love to overcome bitterness and despair.
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