Let Your Life Speak: Nurturing Our Relationships
As marriage and family therapists, people often reach out to us because there is a relationship in their life that they want to improve. It might be a relationship with a friend, neighbor, colleague, partner, spouse, sibling, or another family member.
These requests remind us of two things. First, relationships are critical to our well-being, as few things affect the quality of our lives more than the quality of our relationships. The second thing these requests remind us of is that relationships are complicated, requiring an ongoing commitment to maintain and strengthen them. As the quote above says, “Human relationships are not rocket science--they are far, far more complicated.”
So while relationships are complicated, here are several principles that we find to help keep them on track.
*Whatever we pay attention to is what will grow. If we pay attention to our relationships and water them regularly with positive attention and kindness, they will grow. As we like to say, “The grass is greener where you water it.”
*We often have more agency to change and improve a relationship than we realize. While this is not always the case, we often can do things, including having difficult conversations, rather than avoiding them, to help shift a relationship stuck in a painful or unhealthy pattern. We may need to ask for professional help to do this, but change can happen with commitment and intention.
*Old patterns take time to change. Each of us has internalized relationship patterns from our childhood. Some of those patterns serve us well, and others may not. While changing these patterns is not easy, it is possible. We need to be patient and loving with ourselves (and others) as we, with time and effort, try to make these changes.
*Love is a decision. While love is undoubtedly a feeling, too, feelings ebb and flow. Long-term relationships of every kind (between partners, friends, siblings, colleagues, etc.) require a commitment of the will. Deciding to continue to invest in the relationship even when the feelings are uncomfortable is an essential aspect of nurturing our relationships.
*The best time to have a difficult conversation about a difficulty in a relationship is when that difficulty arises. The second best time is today. Avoiding hard conversations almost always makes them more challenging to have later on. As we wrote last week, “The more you hide your feelings, the more they grow.”
Relationships are complicated. Some say they are more complex than rocket science. They are also essential to our well-being. Hopefully, the principles we have shared will make nurturing your relationships a little less complicated.
Making It Personal:
1. Did one of the principles we shared speak especially to you?
2. If so, is there a specific relationship you might apply it to right now? ****************************************************************************************************************
To explore your own well-being in the eight areas of wellness, you may be interested in downloading our newest FREE resource, The Adult Wellness Compass Notebook. This workbook is perfect for either individual or group use, and is a tool for self-reflection, learning, and goal setting. Click HERE to download and enjoy.
Each week Holly and Scott Stoner record the Wellness Compass Podcast. Each episode is about 15 minutes and offers a deeper dive into what appears here in the written column. You can listen to the Wellness Compass podcast in your favorite podcast app—just search for “The Wellness Compass,” and you can listen by clicking HERE and scrolling down to this week’s episode.
And speaking of podcasts, Scott has launched a new podcast this week that is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about—the integration of spirituality and wellness. You can listen to the newly launched Living Compass podcast by clicking on the word “Podcast” in the bar at the top of this Living Compass webpage or find it in your favorite podcast app (Apple, Google, Spotify, etc.)
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