Love Eclipses Hate

Some of the most beautiful words ever written about love were authored two thousand years ago by the apostle Paul. The words appear in the Bible’s New Testament. If you have attended a wedding this summer, you may have even heard his words read at the ceremony. No matter how many times any of us have heard or read these words, they are always a good reminder how we are to live in relationship to others and I, for one, am always moved by them.  Here are Paul’s words from his letter to the Corinthians. Love is patient; love is kind.

Love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude.

It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;

It does not rejoice in wrong doing, but rejoices in the truth.

It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends.

And now faith, hope, and love abide,

these three; and the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13

Sometimes we are better able to understand something when we also reflect on its opposite.  And so when I read the words below this week about hate, I found that they made me appreciate even more the power of Paul’s words. These words are intended to help us deepen our understanding and commitment to living out the words from 1 Corinthians 13 by looking at its opposite.

Hate.

Hate is impatient, hate is cruel.

Hate is jealous, it puts on airs.

It is snobbish, it is always rude.

It is self-seeking, it is prone to anger.

Hate rejoices with what is wrong, but does not rejoice with the truth.

There is no limit to hate's malevolence, to its untrustworthiness, its despair, its weakness to sustain.

Hate never wins.

There are in the end three things that fail:

Deceit, despair, and hate.

And the weakest of these is hate.

Rob MacSwain, shared with permission

Hatred has been in the news these days and it so it is important to remember that we all need to do our part to insure that, “Hate never wins” and that, “Love never ends.”

In closing, I’d like to suggest that while we are each experiencing the solar eclipse this coming week, we think of it as a metaphor. Hate has the ability to cast a shadow, one that temporarily eclipses the power and light of love. And while the solar darkness of a solar eclipse goes away without any need for effort on our part, hatred will only go away when we name it, when ever and where ever we see it, and then do all in our power to remove its shadow. While it is true that it is love that endures, we must all do our part to rid the world of the ugly shadow of hatred.

Lessons Learned from Eating Ice Cream

Do you ever suffer from sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia? If you do, you have no one to blame but yourself. That may sound harsh, but I know first hand about this because I, through my own doing, suffered from it again last week. That’s right, just a few days ago I made the mistake of eating my two scoop, mint chocolate chip ice cream cone way too fast.  Sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia is the scientific name for what we normally refer to as a brain freeze, or a dreaded ice cream headache. A brain freeze, I learned after doing a little research, is caused when the nerve fibers on the roof of one’s mouth get overwhelmed with too much of a cold sensation. When this happens the nerve fibers begin to constrict and the brain interprets the signals it is getting as pain. A brain freeze will pass relatively quickly (although it doesn’t feel quick when you in the midst of it) and it is helpful to know that holding your tongue on the roof of your mouth will help relieve the symptoms. This is because your tongue will help warm up, and thus expand, the cold nerve fibers.

The wellness lesson in all of this is simple--too much of a good thing is a often a bad thing. We know this in theory of course, but it is easy to forget in the moment. For example, I have a tendency to work too much and when I do my work/life balance gets off kilter. This can easily create its own kind of brain freeze, where stress causes my thinking to be less clear and my emotions to be more reactive. Others may routinely stay up late enjoying the quiet of the night yet leaving them exhausted and crabby in the morning. Others may overspend in the excitement of the moment only to feel the pain when the credit card bill arrives later in the month. Still others may jump head way too quickly into a relationship only to find out later that the other person is not a good match for them.

We live in a culture that seems to thrive on excess and intensity, and where moderation can even be viewed as boring or dull. This way of thinking is captured in a saying I have heard folks proudly exclaim several times recently, “If anything is worth doing, it is worth overdoing.” It is usually said in a joking manner, yet many folks seem to take it seriously or even as good advice. And yet, interestingly enough, whenever I ask people to list some words that they associate with wellness, the word balance is almost always at the top of the list.

The famous Trappist monk and writer, Thomas Merton once wrote, “Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.” And the ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus, said, “Be moderate in order to taste the joys of life in abundance.” My response to these two great thinkers is to pose a few important questions for us all: Is there anything right now in our lives that we are doing either too intensely, quickly, or in excess? Is there some area of our lives that if we slowed down or did in a more moderate way we might enjoy it more, both now and in the long run?

With this in mind, the next time any of us find ourselves enjoying an ice cream treat, let’s remember that balance and moderation are not only the keys to enjoying our ice cream, but are also the keys to helping us, “taste the joys of life in abundance.”

Connecting with the Source

I recently read that there are over 8,000 farmers markets in the United States each summer and that this number is growing rapidly. Chances are, there is a farmers market somewhere near where you live. I certainly understand their popularity, as going to a local farmers’ market to shop for our produce is always a fun experience. It seems to me there are at least three reasons that these markets are so popular. The first reason is community. Farmers markets are communal by nature. They bring together producers of various kinds (vegetable farmers, growers of flowers, organic meat producers, bakers, local artisans, musicians, and more) and at the same time they bring together the community. Part of the fun of going to a farmers market is running into neighbors and friends. Since the beginning of time, food has brought people together and community is shared and nurtured.

I think another reason these markets are so popular is because, as the saying goes, “They are keeping it real.” The produce offered at farmers markets is almost always free of pesticides and other chemicals. In a world where much is artificial and “new and improved,” there is something wonderful about eating and buying food that is produced the same way it has been for hundreds of years ago.

The final reason (although I know there are many more than the three I am listing here) that I love farmers markets is because they directly connect me with the source of the food I am eating. When I buy my produce from the grocery store I don’t have that same direct connection to the farmer and the land where the food comes from.

Spirituality is central to my life and so I do many things to practice and nurture my spiritual wellness. It occurs to me as I write about what I love about farmers markets, that I am describing what, for me, are three cornerstones of spirituality: community, “keeping it real,” and connecting with the source from which all life comes. It’s no wonder I love farmers markets so much!  If you haven’t visited one yet, you still have time to support your local farmer, and your own well-being at the same time.

Clean Slate

If you were asked to look back over your life and list some of your biggest regrets, what would come to mind? Recently, a group of strangers in New York City reflected on their regrets and their responses were captured on video. A link to the video appears at the end of this piece. Please finish reading before you watch it. At first thought, it seems that the things that we might regret the most are mistakes we have made, things that we have done that we wished we had not. There is no doubt that we all have these types of regrets.  The video shows, however, that what many people regret more are not things that they have done, but things they have not done. These regrets could include any of the following: not saying I love you enough, not spending more time with family and friends, not taking a stand or getting involved, not pursuing a dream, not taking more risks, not saying yes to more things, not pursuing artistic passions, not making the most of every day, not staying in touch with people, etc.

I invite you to take three minutes to watch the video. You will find a wonderful surprise toward the end that reminds us that no matter what our regrets may be, there is always time to begin anew with a clean slate.

HERE is the link to the video. I hope you find it as inspiring as I do, and perhaps it will motivate you to do something you have not done up until now.

The Re-Creative Flow of Play

One of the utter delights of summer for me, here in Wisconsin, is spending time on my bike. In the last week I have had the joy of experiencing two separate long bike rides out in the country side. Both times I had the experience of losing track of time. What felt like a thirty minute ride was actually more of a three or four hour ride, as time flew by. Such is the nature of what I call the re-creative “flow” of play, that experience we have when we are deeply immersed in something that is truly recreative for us. You may not experience the re-creative flow of play by riding a bike, but there is quite likely some way in which you do.  Perhaps you experience it while gardening, swimming, going for a run, walk, or hike. Or maybe it’s when you are playing a musical instrument, reading a book, or laying on the beach. Some people find it through knitting, practicing yoga, going canoeing, dancing, fishing, playing golf, or by going to concerts. And certainly many find it when playing with their children or grandchildren, or by simply laying in a hammock and resting. One of the ways we know we are experiencing the re-creative flow of play is when we lose track of time, as we are so fully absorbed in enjoying the experience.

Even though I regularly write and speak about the importance of a healthy dose of rest and play as being essential to one’s well-being, I still, on occasion, find it challenging to put this into practice in my own life. I think it is because I have unconsciously bought into the mindset of our “culture of busyness” that defines us by our work, activity, and productivity. Last year alone, 54% of American workers did not take all the vacation they were due. This, of course, can be due to many factors, including the very real experience of  job insecurity, but it is no doubt also related to the value our culture has placed on work over play.

If you are like me and struggle to give yourself permission to make time for play, there is comfort in knowing that recent studies show that taking time to unplug from always being “on,” actually increases our ability for creative and expansive thinking. Recent brain studies confirm the beneficial effects that meditation has on our ability to pay attention, concentrate, and relax. I love it when science confirms what humans have always known intuitively, that slowing down and unplugging is good for us in a multitude of ways.

The paradox is that when we are able to lose ourselves in the re-creative flow of play, we are actually finding ourselves. This is when recreation is truly re-creation.

I plan to both lose and find myself on a long bike ride this weekend. What about you? How might you both lose and find yourself through the re-creative flow of play during this coming week?

by The Rev. Dr. Scott Stoner, Founder and Director, Living Compass