Encourage One Another

Have you ever set a big goal for yourself, spent a long time preparing for it, and then finally had the joy of achieving that goal?  Perhaps it was a goal of going to back to school, making a move to a new home, retiring, going on a special trip, changing careers, getting in shape, or running your first 10K race or first marathon.  Six years ago I set a goal of riding my bike from my home in Milwaukee, WI to Fish Creek, a quaint little town in Door County, the "thumb" of WI, where my wife and I spend two weeks each year. After years of wanting to make this ride, I determined earlier this summer that this would be the year I would attempt it.  I started training, putting in lots of extra miles on my bike.  I studied maps and plotted my route along remote country roads so as to avoid as much traffic as possible.   I spent extra time at the bike shop picking up some last minute tips from experienced riders who had done similar kinds of rides and I am happy to report that I completed my ride and accomplished my six year goal this past week.

There are many memorable experiences I could lift up from my fourteen hour ride, but the one that I want to reflect on here is the overwhelming and completely unexpected encouragement I received from perfect strangers  along the way.

I made frequent stops for food and drink in many small towns on my route, and in every town I met people who asked me where I was headed.  Apparently, I was not the first biker to make this journey as  the locals seemed to be used to meeting bikers who were passing through.  Several times when stopped on the side of the rural roads  to rest and take a drink, strangers in cars, and even a farmer on a tractor  stopped and asked me if everything was alright.  One passerby even offered me a bottle of water he had in his car.  The support of the strangers I met along the way, along with the support of my wife and friends, is what gave me the inspiration to complete my goal.

All of this reminded me once again of the power and blessing we can be to one another by offering the simple act of encouragement.  It reminded me that when any of us has an important goal we are seeking to attain, or when we have an important journey that we need to make, whether it be a literal journey or a metaphorical journey, we need to let others know about our dreams and to surround ourselves with others who can encourage us.

My experience this week served as a reminder to me to offer words and acts of encouragement to those in my life, those I know are going through a challenging time or are seeking to meet a new challenge in their lives.  It reminded me that giving encouragement can truly help people accomplish things they are not sure they can do on their own.

Who do you know right now that needs a little extra encouragement?   What might you do to cheer on someone who needs support right now?  My experience this week not only with family and friends, but with total strangers opened my eyes. It has inspired me to look around and see who needs a little extra encouragement. Going forward I will not only be looking at my friends and family and wondering what support they need, but I will also look at the mother struggling with her toddler in the grocery store, the person who needs a hand crossing a busy street, and others, both known or unknown to me, who happen to cross my path and could benefit from a little extra support. And whenever I see a biker stopped along the side of a country road, I will most certainly stop to offer him or her a little encouragement and if I have one, a cold bottle of water.

Nature Deficit Disorder

Author Richard Louv, in his 2005 book Last Child in the Woods, coined a phrase that has stayed with me since I first heard it.  In his book he states that children are spending more and more time indoors and are thus suffering from what he describes as "Nature Deficit Disorder."  There is plenty of data to back up Louv's claim that children are spending more time indoors.  The American Pediatric Association recently reported that an average eight year old child in the United States spends eight hours a day in front of a screen (computer, mobile device, or television) and that the number increases to eleven hours a day for teens.  Nature Deficit Disorder is not a medical diagnosis, but is a way to call attention to the fact that children are too often missing out on the whole-health (body, mind, and spirit) benefits of spending time outdoors. Apparently  Nature Deficit Disorder is not only affecting children. It seems that most everyone, when given a chance, retreats to nature for renewal. As I view emails and Facebook posts from countless friends who are taking a vacation now, I see that almost every one of my friends is choosing to spend a large portion of their vacation time doing something outdoors, away from screens. They are cherry picking, mountain climbing,  camping, kayaking, biking,  golfing, hiking, fishing, spending time at the beach, going to summer camp,  gardening, attending picnics, and enjoying countless other outside activities. People seem to be naturally aware of the restorative health benefits that come from spending time outdoors.  I understand this myself and thus my wife and I have just finalized our plans for a Canadian wilderness canoe trip in a few weeks.

A friend of mine who is a grade school teacher loves to spend time in her garden, and when she is not in her garden, she is often biking, hiking, or kayaking.  She is concerned about children experiencing Nature Deficit Disorder and so when I visited her classroom last year I was not surprised to see that there were many nature-themed posters on the walls.  Each of the posters contained a motivational quote to inspire the children to spend time outside.  Not being able actually hold class outside, she had found a way to bring the lessons of nature indoors.  I remember one poster of a large oak tree in particular and I will close this week's column with the wisdom from this poster.  The photo of the mature oak tree was stunning and it drew you closer so that you could read this message that was the central focus of the poster.  Here's what it said:

Advice From a Tree

By Ilan Shamir

Stand Tall and Proud

Sink your roots deeply into the Earth

Reflect the light of a greater source

Think long term

Go out on a limb

Remember your place among all living beings

Embrace with joy the changing seasons

For each yields its own abundance

The Energy and Birth of Spring

The Growth and Contentment of Summer

The Wisdom to let go of leaves in the Fall

The Rest and Quiet Renewal of Winter

Feel the wind and the sun

And delight in their presence

Look up at the moon that shines down upon you

And the mystery of the stars at night.

Seek nourishment from the good things in life

Simple pleasures

Earth, fresh air, light

Be content with your natural beauty

Drink plenty of water

Let your limbs sway and dance in the breezes

Be flexible

Remember your roots

Enjoy the view!

I need to go now-I need to get away from my screen and get outside to see what important lesson or advice nature has to offer me today.

Yes, And...

I spent much of this week co-leading a Living Compass training retreat in Chicago, something I do on a fairly regular basis.   In addition to people from Chicago and the Midwest, others come to these trainings from all around the country.  This week we had participants from upstate New York, a rural community outside of Philadelphia in Pennsylvania, north central North Carolina, downtown Los Angeles, California, and the greater Chicago area.  Everyone was coming to get trained in our Living Compass approach to wellness and wholeness so that they can then go back and offer Living Compass wellness programs in their own local communities. At these trainings we especially like to give visitors that come from farther away a little taste of what makes Chicago special.  Free time is given to visit sites such as the Chicago Art Institute, Millennium Park, or perhaps to go to the top of one of Chicago's many famous skyscrapers. The highlight of our time together seems to be however, when we offer people the opportunity to not just to see something that has a long Chicago history, but to participate in something that is a signature creation of Chicago-and that is improv comedy.

Chicago has long been recognized as the home of improv comedy, a tradition that continues at comedy centers throughout the city such as Second City and the iO (Improv Olympics) Theater.   Many of the original cast of of Saturday Night Live came from Second City, including Mike Myers, Tina Fey, Amy Sedaris, Stephen Colbert, Steve Carell, Chris Farley, Dan Ackroyd, and John Belushi.  At our trainings in Chicago we bring in a team of four improv actors led by the Rev. Jess Elfring Roberts, deacon and youth leader in the Episcopal Diocese of Chicago.  These four creative geniuses entertain us first and then, in no time, have us up participating in various improv games and scenes.  As the evening of improv begins, it's not uncommon to hear someone say that they will not be  participating in any of the improv games, only to find themselves flopping around the floor pretending to be a fish a short time later.

Improv comedy is not just great fun to watch and participate in; there are also great bits of wisdom about life and about wellness that it can teach us.  An essential principle of improv is to have a "Yes, and..." mentality.  This means that when your partner in a sketch says or does something, you always "go" with it, adding to what you have been given by your partner and further developing the scene and the action.  You never block or question what your partner has just said or done, even if it seems ridiculous or impossible.  If you are partner turns to you and says, with her hands out, "Here's a bowl with my pet goldfish in it, will you please take my goldfish for a walk," you don't say, "But I don't like goldfish," or, "You can't take a goldfish for a walk."  Instead, you say something like, "Oh, I love goldfish-I think I have a goldfish leash in my drawer, let me put it on your fish right now."

With improv comedy, like life itself, we rarely know what someone else is going to say or do next, and so we have to remain totally present to what is being presented and completely open and flexible as to how we respond.  These skills of a good improv actor are completely applicable to life in general.  Being fully present to someone else and staying open and flexible as to how we will respond are true gifts that we can give to others and to ourselves.

Life doesn't come with a script.  Life is improv.  It unfolds and happens in the most surprising of ways  and we are always creating the script as we go along.  Being able to say, "Yes, and" to whatever life presents us, and being able to stay open and flexible in our responses are essential keys to wellness in our personal lives, our homes, and our places of work.

Delayed Gratification

Pickles have been on my brain a great deal this week.  It's not that I have been eating that many pickles, it's just that the following sentence has been stuck in my mind all week:  "My very educated mother just served us nine pickles."  This rather odd sentence was embedded in my brain some fifty years ago, and perhaps just reading this sentence awakened a similar memory in your brain as well.  Several of my grade school teachers used this sentence as a mnemonic tool to remember the order of the planets of our solar system, moving from the planets closest to the sun to the planets much farther out.  My very educated mother just served us nine pickles was how I learned to remember the order of the planets, moving away from the sun: Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto.  (I am well aware of the debate about whether Pluto is truly a planet or not.  Some have reclassified it as a dwarf planet, but in my mind I still consider it to be a planet after memorizing this sentence all those years ago.) Pluto, the planet that is represented by pickles in the mnemonic device I learned in grade school, has been on the world's brain this week as we all have had the amazing privilege of seeing the first ever closeup photographs taken of the planet at the outermost edge of our solar system.  Much of the world, including me, has been fascinated by the New Horizons space probe adventure and its photographs of Pluto.  The fascination with the photos of Pluto has led me to ponder just why so many people have been captivated by this.  There are no doubt many reasons that people find this all so fascinating, but there is one reason that I would like to propose because I think it has a lot to teach us.

We live in a culture that is increasingly defined by a desire for immediate gratification.  Advances in technology mean we can often have what we want faster and we can have it when we want it--on demand.  Immediate gratification is what we expect more and more.  So in the midst of this "want it now," instant gratification mindset, I find it fascinating that this week we are all riveted by something that is the very opposite of instant gratification, something that took 3,464 days to come to fruition.

Almost nine years ago the creators of the New Horizons expedition to Pluto launched their space probe into orbit at the speed of 36,373 miles per hour.  Traveling at that inconceivable rate of speed, it still took New Horizons almost nine years to travel the 3,000,000,000 mile distance from Earth to Pluto.  The leaders of this project had to wait nine years to find out if it would be a success.  And what a complete success it has turned out to be as New Horizons has already returned stunning close up pictures of Pluto, a planet up until now no one had even dreamed of seeing.

All of this is a great reminder that some things simply cannot be rushed and that great reward often comes to those who learn to be patient.  A loving marriage takes years of patience and commitment in order for it to truly mature.  To fully explore the depths of any significant passion, whether it be writing, running, quilting, or playing the piano, takes years, if not decades.  Deep friendships are not built instantly, but through years of shared conversations.  A deep and mature spiritual life emerges only after years of discipline and practice.  Some hurts and losses take years to heal and move beyond.

I all like quick or instant gratification as much as anyone else. When I search Google for the history of how Pluto was first discovered, I want to see my results within a few seconds.  When I text a friend a question, I love it when I get an immediate response.  What's important for me to remember though, is that some of the most important discoveries, lessons, and joys in life, the ones that truly open up new horizons in my heart and soul, might very well take nine years or longer to unfold.

As I ponder all this, I suddenly have a strong urge for a pickle.  I sure hope there are some in the refrigerator so I don't have to wait all the time it would take to go to the grocery store to get some!

Inside Out

Have you ever had the experience of having a "good cry," and then  later find yourself feeling so much better?  Or have you ever had the experience of having a "good fight" with a family member or friend, when you work through a conflict that has been building for some time and then find that you and the other person are both feeling renewed positive feelings toward each other?  If so, then you would enjoy and identify with the wonderful messages that are taught in Inside Out, the new movie from Pixar animation playing in theaters now.  Inside Out is the story of the inner, emotional life of an eleven year old girl named Riley.  Riley's family uproots itself and moves from Minnesota to California because of her father's new job. Riley, understandably, becomes quite sad and angry as she misses her friends, school, and hockey team back in the Midwest.  Riley's well-meaning parents don't like seeing her being upset  and so they repeatedly encourage her to "focus on the positive" and want her to try to act happy on the outside even when she is not feeling that way on the inside.

The brilliance of this film is its portrayal of Riley's inner, emotional life.  Through the magic of animation we are able to see inside  Riley's brain where  five characters (pictured above) represent five emotions (Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear, and Disgust) that take turns controlling the keyboard of Riley's brain.    Before her family's move from Minnesota  Joy was clearly in control.

This all changes when the family moves and Fear, Sadness, and Anger start battling  for control, with Joy ultimately being pushed out of the way.   Riley's parents want Joy to be her prominent emotion and Riley clearly wants to please her parents. For this reason we see Joy doing everything she can to keep the other emotions, most especially Sadness, stifled.

But alas, the plan fails and Joy relinquishes control  to Sadness.  At that point it seems that Riley is doomed to a life of total sadness.  It's just then that something surprising happens, something that is, in fact, the most important point of the movie.  Once Riley embraces and allows herself to feel the sadness related to the move, she gradually begins to feel happier.  There is a touching scene near the end of the movie when the animated characters Joy and Sadness both put their hands on the controls of Riley's inner, emotional keyboard.  The message is clear for both children and adults who are watching-authentic joy and happiness occurs when we can integrate and feel all of our natural emotions.

 Inside Out reminds us that all of our emotions are important, need to be heard, and serve important purposes.  Our emotional wellness will be high when we can allow ourselves to both feel and express the full range of our emotions and it will be low when we try to block out or numb any of our emotions, as allowing the expression of all of our emotions brings openness and provides space for healing and growth.  This is the paradox of emotional wellness, the paradox of what we mean when we talk about a "good cry" or a "good argument." When we allow ourselves to express what we tend to label as "negative" emotions, the positive emotions of joy and happiness often return and increase.

So, if you are in the mood for good movie that will provide plenty of good laughs along with a great message for kids and adults alike, I highly recommend seeing Inside Out this weekend.