Telling Our Stories

In 1946 a young Episcopal priest was just beginning his ministry in Flossmoor, Illinois. As I heard this once young man tell the story this week he spoke of a tremendous advantage he had as a new priest in town in being able to attract other young men like himself to join the parish. That advantage was the fact that these young men, including himself, all in their mid to late twenties at the time, had a bond like no other that instantly connected them all. They were all veterans of a war that had just ended, World War II. James Montgomery went on to become a bishop in the Episcopal Church and served as the Bishop of the Diocese of Chicago from 1971 to 1987. Bishop Montgomery, now 93 years old, was honored at a Veteran's Day celebration held at the Diocese of Chicago center this past Tuesday and I was honored to attend and to hear him speak. During this celebration I was privileged to hear him tell the story of serving courageously in the Navy during World War II and participating in the invasion at Omaha Beach on D-Day. Upon returning from the war he decided to spend the rest of his life serving the church so he was ordained and began his long faithful ministry in Flossmoor, a southern suburb of Chicago.

Bishop Montgomery's story was just one of the veteran's story I heard this past week. Last Sunday I visited St. Paul's Church in Peoria, Illinois and had the chance to meet quite a few veterans. At coffee hour I was honored to hear the stories of how serving in various wars affected the trajectories of their lives. Throughout the remainder of this week I continued to hear moving stories of love and sacrifice and was honored to be shown photographs of people's loved ones who also served in the armed forces. I was also privileged to be able tell of my own father's experience of how he was in the first wave of soldiers to liberate France at Utah beach on D-Day, and how much his life too was forever changed by serving our country during World War II.

I simply love to listen to people's stories. Perhaps that is why I have loved being a priest and psychotherapist for the last three decades--because I love having the sacred honor of being invited into the stories of people's lives. Someone once asked me several years ago if I ever got tired of listening to people's problems. My response was quick and from the heart, "No, I don't, because I don't listen to people's problems; I listen to their stories." Our stories profoundly shape our identities. While it is we who tell our stories, it is equally true that our stories "tell us." Our stories tell of how our character, values, faith, and how our very identities have been formed.

Of course, it is not just veterans who have important stories to be told and to be honored. Every person, no matter who they are, has fought tough battles and experienced his or her share of triumph and loss. Every person has both regrets and blessings to share and pass on, life lessons that they have learned and can share with others through the telling of his or her story.

Part of the power of personal stories is that they never become old. They continue to contain wisdom and can teach us important lessons. In fact they become deeper and more meaningful as we grow older, a fact that was evident this week when Bishop Montgomery shared his stories from the war and from sixty-eight years ago when he was a newly ordained priest. When he shared those powerful stories with those who were gathered to honor him it was as if they had just happened yesterday because the power of the experience is still very much alive in him.

So while Veteran's Day may have passed for this year, may it serve as a reminder to all of us of regarding just how important it is to take the time to both tell and listen to the stories of each other's lives. Is there someone special whose story you would like to hear? Is there someone to whom you would like to tell your story? Sharing our stories enriches our understanding of each other, creates deeper bonds and helps us appreciate each other in new and more authentic ways.

Repairing Cars and Other Complex Matters

Tom Magliozzi, a mechanic turned radio show host, died earlier this week due to complications related to Alzheimer's disease. Tom and his brother Ray were the cohosts of "Car Talk," an extremely popular show on National Public Radio. The show began in 1987 and ran through 2012 and eventually reached four million listeners every week. The show continues on the air today as some of the show's best episodes are replayed and enjoyed by folks everywhere each week. Although this is a weekly column about wellness, not car repair, I think there is a great deal for us to learn about wellness from Tom Magliozzi. First, and most obvious, if you have ever listened to Car Talk, is the power of humor. Every person I have heard honoring Tom's memory this week mentions his infectious laugh as one of the things that they remember most fondly about him. He never laughed at another but was able to find humor all around him including laughing at himself.

Humor has the power to transform any subject and any conversation, as Tom and his brother showed us each and every week. If someone told you that they loved listening to a weekly radio show about car repair because they enjoyed laughing along with the hosts, you would probably find that hard to imagine, unless of course you had ever listened to Car Talk. Tom and Ray, known as Click and Clack, the Tappet brothers on the show, could transform a conversation about tire rebalancing and front-end alignment into a humorous and philosophical reflection about how everyone could use a little rebalancing and front-end alignment from time to time. Listening to these bothers banter with callers left everyone listening at home laughing as well.

One wellness lesson here is that humor enhances any kind of talk, not just car talk. Do you need to have talk with a friend about a conflict in your relationship? Do you need have a talk with your child about his or her behavior? Do you need to have a talk with a colleague or employee about a misunderstanding at work? Do you need to have a talk with your spouse or partner about something you would like to change in your relationship? Each of these "talks" will benefit from having the lubricant of humor injected into the conversation. Becoming overly serious when talking with others almost always constricts communication, while humor has the opposite effect. Humor expands conversations and expands our ability to listen and better receive what is being communicated. All talk, not just car talk, benefits from a little humor now and then.

A second wellness lesson that Tom and Ray demonstrated for us is an extension of the first. Tom and his brother Ray had a remarkable ability to never take themselves too seriously. I recently heard an interview in which they were questioned about why they decided to start a radio show about car repair. Tom answered that the original reason was to drive business to their small auto repair shop in Cambridge, Massachusetts. As that business grew though, Tom reported that he hated working the long hours it took to take care of all of their new customers. He said he discovered that doing a radio show didn't feel like work, compared to the twelve hours of daily physical labor he was putting in at the shop. He concluded his answer to the interviewer's question by laughing and saying, "So I wanted to grow Car Talk so I wouldn't have to really work for a living anymore." Tom's self-deprecating humor was also evident in the same interview when he was asked what he had learned in the twenty years he had been doing radio. His response? "Absolutely nothing! I don't know what I'm doing any more than the day I started--(insert a loud, raucous laugh here)."

So thank you Tom for teaching us not just about car repair but for reminding us that all things in life can be repaired best with a good dose of humor, mixed with the reminder to not take ourselves too seriously.

A Weekend of Celebrations, Both Sacred and Secular

Today is Halloween and celebrations will be taking place across the world this weekend to honor this occasion.  Some of the celebrations will have secular focus, while other celebrations will have a sacred focus, and still others will be a wonderful combination of both.   This unique combination of secular and sacred celebrations is due to the fact that Halloween is always celebrated one day before All Saints Day (November 1) and two days before All Souls Day (November 2), both important holy days in the Christian faith.  Another name for All Saints Day is All Hallows, and so the evening before All Hallows came be known as Hallows Eve, which was then morphed to Halloween.  These two holy days, All Saints and All Souls, are times when people remember and make holy (the meaning of the word hallow) the memories of the lives of the saints, known and unknown, and the memories of loved ones who have all departed this life. So given the unique combination of secular and sacred celebrations that mark this time of year, how might we honor both?  How can we make this a, “both and,” rather than an, “either or,” experience.  One suggestion is to both fully enjoy the fun Halloween celebrations and activities that come our way and to at some point this weekend pause to reflect on what we hallow, what we hold to be sacred in our lives.  It seems an especially appropriate time to pause and remember those whom we “love but see no longer,” those whom we miss and whose memory and spirit we wish to honor and celebrate.  You might want to write about your memories or speak them out loud to a friend or loved one.  You might want to say a special prayer of thanksgiving for their presence in your life.

This time of year might also be a good time to celebrate the sacred gift of the friends and loved ones who are still very much with us and without whom our lives would be greatly diminished.  The saintliness and soulfulness of these people are what gives our lives their unique richness and thickness.  There is no need to wait for our friends and loved ones to pass on to remind them of how sacred and hallowed they are in our lives.

So let's live it up this weekend.  Let's fully celebrate the tricks and fun that are part of Halloween and let's fully celebrate the treats of friends and loved ones, both living and departed, who make our lives sacred, hallowed, and holy.

The Church of Baseball

It's that wonderful time of year again, World Series time, and so it seems appropriate to reflect on a few of the great spiritual truths that baseball has to teach us about life and wellness. I am certainly not the first person to think of the game of baseball in spiritual terms. In the great baseball movie "Bull Durham," there is a point in the movie where Annie Savoy (played by Susan Sarandon), refers to the "Church of Baseball."      "I believe in the Church of Baseball. I've tried all the major religions, and most of the minor ones. I've worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan. I know things. For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there are 108 stitches in a baseball... It's a long season and you gotta trust. I've tried 'em all, I really have, and the only church that truly feeds the soul, day in, day out, is the Church of Baseball."

While I don't consider baseball to be a religion, I do in fact believe that there are indeed many spiritual truths that it has to teach us.

There Is No Time Limit--It Will Take As Long As It Takes

Baseball is different from most other sports in that there is no clock keeping track of time for a game. A half inning, which consists of a team making three outs, could be over in as quickly three minutes or it could take as long as thirty minutes, it all depends on what unfolds. When a game begins one does not know if it will last for nine innings or sixteen innings, for three hours or six hours. It will take as long as it takes. The spiritual lesson here, an important reminder in our sometimes over-schedules lives, is that not all that is important in life can be measured by the clock. Many wonderful things unfold slowly and I know that I, for one, simply need to learn to put away the watch or clock and live fully in the present moment without worrying about how much longer something is going to take to happen. A good conversation will simply take as long as it needs to take. Helping a friend in need will simply take as long as it takes. Raising a child or serving as a caretaker to a loved one, will simply take as long as it takes.

You Never Know When It's Your Turn, And So You Always Need To Be Ready

When a baseball team is in the field playing defense, the infielders and outfielders never know when the ball might be hit to one of them, so they must ready at all times. Attend any Little League game and you will inevitably hear the coach shouting out to the players in the field reminders such as, "Look alive out there!" or "Be ready, because this one might be coming your way!" Being ready involves being ready both physically and mentally, as alert players stay aware of the ever-changing game situation at every moment. This is important, as then they will know just how to react if the ball comes their way. When it comes to wellness, it is equally important to stay alert, ready, and prepared for whatever comes our way. An important decision affecting your own wellness, or an opportunity to serve or be there for someone in need could present itself at any moment, so "Look alive out there," and "Be ready, because this one might be coming your way."

The Goal Is To Help Each Other Get Home

Most sports have a goal, a place the athletes are trying to get to. It might be a finish line, a goal line, a hole, a net, or a hoop. What is the goal in baseball? The goal is to get yourself and your teammates around the bases in order to get "home." If you come up to bat with teammates already on base, your goal is to get them safely home. That goal is so important that you might even sacrifice yourself intentionally with a sacrifice bunt or sacrifice fly to advance your teammate one base closer to home. Getting home strikes me as a great metaphor for getting to that place where we are integrated and whole, that place where our actions and our beliefs are fully aligned, where we are well. When we are home in this sense, we are able to experience a peace that then empowers us to help others get home as well, which along the way may well require some sacrifices on our part.

Whether you are rooting for the Giants, the Royals, or just enjoy watching a well-played game of baseball, I hope you enjoy the World Series. As you do, you may find yourself pondering about some deeper life lessons that baseball has taught you. If the Spirit moves you, feel free to drop us a line or comment on our Facebook page about the spiritual truths you see being played out whenever you attend the "Church of Baseball."

What Kind of News Are You Spreading

 A recent study showed that good news travels faster and farther than bad news, at least when it comes to Facebook. This study showed that good news stories posted on Facebook were shared and "liked" at a much higher rate than stories that were reporting bad news. I was encouraged to hear about this study because it often seems that the bad news stories get all the attention in the media. It seems, though, at least on Facebook, that the general public is attracted more to positive news stories.

There are certainly important times and circumstances when bad news does indeed need to travel far and travel fast. The recent Ebola outbreak is a good example of such a time when the bad news needs to travel far and fast in order to warn people about potential danger. At the same time, the level of fear surrounding this story has been inflamed well beyond what most experts agree is the realistic danger of this disease for those of us living in the United States. Fear, like the Ebola virus itself, can be highly contagious and can spread exponentially if we are not careful to contain it.

This past week there was another news story that traveled far and fast. This story, clearly a story of good news, was the announcement of Malala Yousafzai and Kailash Satyarthi as the co-winners of this year's Nobel Peace Prize.

News traveled fast about Malala Yousafzai. At age 17 she is the youngest recipient ever of the Nobel Peace Prize, receiving the award for her courageous advocacy work to make quality public education accessible for all, especially girls, in every part of the world. Her advocacy work began in her native country of Pakistan, where she spoke out against Taliban forces that were destroying girls' schools and banning them from attending any public school. Her public position nearly cost her her life when the Taliban tried to assassinate her in 2012.   She now lives and goes to school in England where she continues her worldwide advocacy work.

Kailiash Satyarthi, the other winner, received the Nobel Peace Prize for his work to abolish abusive child labor practices around the world. Starting in his native country of India, Satyarthi founded the Save the Child Movement in 1980, which has acted to protect the rights of more than 83,000 children from 144 countries.

Watching the news stories regarding Ebola and the Nobel Peace Prize winners spread this past week caused me to pause and reflect on the kind of news I spread in my corner of the world. Am I spreading mostly good news? Am I working and speaking out for justice and peace? Or am I spreading mostly negative, fear-based news?  Do I too easily get caught up in the anxiety of others and mindlessly spread that anxiety to others?

The answer to any of these questions can be "yes." We all indeed have the capacity to spread negativity in a way that is not helpful or healthy, for any of us.   We each also have the capacity to spread good news of people we know, who live in our own communities, who are making a positive difference in the lives of others. And on a good day, we might even be that person who is making a positive difference in the world. Malala Yousafzai and Kailash Satyarthi can be role models to all of us, inspiring us to do good in our own neighborhoods, creating and spreading our own good news.

How about you? What kind of news are you spreading? Are there ways you might be more intentional about both spreading and creating good news in your community and in your relationships with family and friends? The fact is that the news we spread can be contagious. Let's do our part to be sure that what people catch from us is positive and life-giving.