Redeeming Mistakes

It's not polite to laugh at other's mistakes.  Laughing with others regarding the kind of mistakes we all make is, on the other hand,  a whole different matter. When we laugh with others regarding our mistakes, we are laughing in solidarity as fellow members of the imperfect human race. It is in the spirit of laughing with that I share with you the mistake captured in the photograph above.  This diploma was presented to approximately thirty graduates of the prestigious Medill School of Journalism, Media, Integrated Marketing  Communications at Northwestern University in Chicago.  If you look closely at the name of the school on the diploma you will see that the word "Integrated" is missing a letter, and it is hard to miss the irony of a school of journalism making a spelling mistake on a very important document.  We can laugh with the person who made the typographical mistake in full hopes that their colleagues can find some humor in it too, knowing that it can so easily be corrected.

“To err is human; to forgive, divine,” said Alexander Pope, an 18th century English Poet.  These are good words to remember whenever we make a mistake.  They are even better words to remember when someone we know and love makes a mistake.

I like to think that the Divine takes things even further when we make mistakes.  I believe that not only does God forgive mistakes, but I also believe that God has a way of redeeming mistakes.  To redeem a mistake is to actually turn the mistake into something better than what might have happened if the mistake had never occurred.   I remember a particular Sunday I was confused and mistakenly thought that my colleague was the one assigned to preach at that morning's services.  When the time for the sermon came and I realized that in fact I was the scheduled preacher, I quickly had to move past my confusion and anger at myself and gather my wits. I decided to simply acknowledge my mistake and create a conversation with the people present by asking them what thoughts and concerns were on their minds that day.  Several people shared inspiring and joyful stories, and others expressed concerns, allowing us to know each other a little bit better and strengthening our community in the process.  This  would have never happened if I had realized that it was my week  to prepare a sermon.

The redeeming factor of the typographical error on a diploma given at graduation is that it simply serves as a great reminder for the graduates, and for the rest of us, that as we move and live out in the world embarking on careers and developing a life, that no matter how smart we are, no matter how hard we work, no matter how far we get in life, we will always make mistakes.  That is a given.  What is not a given is the ability to not take things too seriously, and being able to laugh and forgive ourselves and others when mistakes occur.  That is not a given, but it is a choice.  It is also a choice to go a step further and participate with the Divine in transforming mistakes into new leanings and possibilities.  Again, the choice is ours.

To be able to do make these choices on a consistent basis is truly to be able to “itegrate” spiritual and emotional wellness into our everyday lives!

**Thanks to my colleague Megan Krings for calling this story to my attention. 

Little Free Libraries

The beginning of summer means many things, but probably most commonly it is a season when people think about fun and recreation. While there are countless ways to recreate, one popular pastime this time of year is reading. This pastime is so popular that in fact there are countless lists and recommendations out there for your "summer reading" pleasure. Whether you read on the beach, at the lake, your local park, or just sitting by an open window there is something wonderful about the rhythms of reading a book in summer. As you consider acquiring a book for your summer reading, I am delighted to inform you about a new option of where to find your next summer read, one of which you may not be aware. In addition to your local library and your local bookstore, there may be an additional option right on the very block where you live. This new option is known as a "Little Free Library". These "Little Free Libraries", whose motto is always, "Take a book, return a book," are springing up everywhere and as you learn more about this new trend, you will understand why.

Allow me to share a little history about the origin of this new offering. In 2009, Todd Bol, of Hudson, Wisconsin, built a model, seen in the photo above, of a schoolhouse in honor of his mother, a retired teacher. His mother loved reading and as a tribute to her he filled his handmade structure with books and placed it on a post in his front yard. He put a sign on the structure that said, "Free books" and it was an instant hit with his neighbors. They loved borrowing the books and soon found that they also loved the community it created as neighbors spontaneously met at the this local, impromptu library.

The idea of creating more of these libraries caught on when in 2010 Rick Brooks, a youth and community development educator from the University of Wisconsin in Madison heard of about Bol's idea. Brooks and Bol together dreamed of the potential impact of this new grass roots effort, to promote both reading and community wellness simultaneously. Just four years later, what started out with a few "little boxes of books," has now grown to over 15,000 "Little Free Libraries" across the globe, each one as unique as the collection of books it contains. You can learn more about the latest developments in what is now an international movement by visiting their website www.LittleFreeLibraries.org. Be sure to check out the map section of their website to find a Little Free Library in your neighborhood or perhaps you will want to visit the section that tells you how to build one yourself!

There are so many wellness aspects that come to mind when I reflect on this fun phenomenon, but I can only touch a on few briefly in the context of this column. Reading itself, of course, nourishes wellness on so many levels--emotional, spiritual, intellectual, and social. It stimulates the heart, soul, and mind all at once. Add to this the experience of community, of neighbors meeting neighbors and sharing both ideas and books with one another and you have an unbeatable wellness combination.

My church has a "Little Free Library" in front of it, as does my neighbor's house directly across the street, both created by folks who wanted to share the love of reading with others. There are several more within a few blocks of where I live, all of which are home made by someone as well. Perhaps that's the most inspiring part of this whole story. Every one of the over 15,000 Little Free Libraries was created by someone who simply wanted to sow seeds of literacy and community in their little corner of the world.

This is exactly how we promote wellness in the world as well. We sow seeds in our little corner of the world, one thought, one word, one deed, one book, one person, one conversation, and one Little Free Library at a time.

World Cup Fathers

Two of my favorite passions converge this weekend and I couldn't be more excited. A full slate of World Cup games are scheduled for this weekend and of course Sunday is Father's Day. One of my favorite memories of being a young father was being a soccer coach for many years for my children. So in light of this convergence of the World Cup and Fathers Day, I share with you ten things I have learned that are key for those of us who aspire to being either a good soccer coach or, much more importantly, a great Dad, or both. When I say that these are the things I have learned are important I mean that in the sense that these are ideal attributes that I now know we all need to strive to adopt. Do I often fall short of these ideals? Of course I do. That's why "eagerness to learn and improve" is on the list. With that in mind, feel free to pass these on to any youth soccer coaches or fathers you know. My Top Ten Traits of a Great Soccer Coach and a Great Dad

Energy and Enthusiasm: Move with the kids and have fun doing it. Make sure they feel how much you enjoy being with them.

Humor: Never take yourself too seriously. Lighten up and enjoy the ways kids are so unassumingly funny.

Affection: Kids don't care how much you know until they first know how much you care. Give affection freely.

Patience: I found this in a youth soccer coaching guide: "Coaches must keep cool throughout the constant stream of mistakes that make up a soccer game." I can't think of better advice for fathers as well--keep cool during the constant stream of mistakes that make up a life--both your kid's, and your own! Self-Control: Coaching begins with coaching yourself to be emotionally in control. Walk the talk and be a role model of the character values you strive to teach.

Generosity: Good coaching and good parenting each take time. Be as generous as you can with the amount of time you give your children.

Open-Mindedness and Eagerness to Learn and Improve: There is always more to learn. Read a book, attend a class, and talk to others with more experience. Learn from the feedback you receive from the kids as well.

Good Preparation: Have a realistic sense of how much can be accomplished--plan a few activities, but plan them well.

Focus Simultaneously on Both the Details and the Big Picture: This is both subtle and difficult, but key. The days may seem long but the years are short. Enjoy each day and each practice.

Be Your Kid's Number One Fan and Cheerleader: Through all the ups and downs, wins and losses be their loudest and most loyal cheerleader. It builds connection, morale, and makes them feel good. And speaking of being fan and a cheerleader, soccer fans are known for getting a little carried away in expressing their enthusiasm for their favorite team. In that spirit, how about we all do the same? Let's get a little carried away in expressing our enthusiasm for the favorite Dads we know and love in our own lives.

And to all the Dads who read this column, Happy Father's Day!

Rites of Passage

Have you ever thought about the importance and power of ritual? I have. In fact, I think about it all the time. As someone who has been a student and a practitioner of both religion and psychology my entire adult life, I have always been fascinated by ritual, and especially by rituals that mark important transitions in a person's life. Perhaps you know someone who is either graduating or getting married this time of year as it is the season for these events. Perhaps you will even be attending a graduation or wedding soon. If so, then you will be witnessing first hand the importance and power of ritual. Specifically, if you are part of a graduation or wedding ceremony, you will be witnessing and participating in what particular kind of ritual known as a rite of passage.

Rites of passage are ceremonies created and celebrated by communities to mark a person's transition from one stage of life to another. They are as ancient as human civilization itself. Everywhere, in every culture, rites of passage occur throughout the life cycle to mark a person's transition from one stage of identity--from youth to adulthood, from student to graduate, from work to retirement, from being single to being married, from life to death.

On one level, both graduations and wedding ceremonies celebrate the choices that individuals have made. A graduate is someone who has made disciplined choices for many years in order to achieve the honor of being able to graduate. A couple getting married is a celebration of two individuals who have made disciplined choices over time to build a relationship to which they now wish to make a lifelong commitment. Without the choices made by these individuals, there would be no rite of passage ceremony.

At the same time though, there would also not truly be a rite of passage ceremony without the gathering of the wider community to witness and celebrate it. It is not a coincidence that most graduation and wedding ceremonies include a gathering of multiple generations to both witness and celebrate the rite of passage. The wider communities of extended family, friends, colleagues, faculty, and neighbors all there to confer their blessing and recognition of the individual's new identity, whether that new identity be as graduate or as part of a newly married couple.

All of this a great reminder that a person's identity is always created through a combination of individual choice and communal blessing. No person is an island. The myth of the "self-made" individual is just that--a myth. Individual choice is necessary to create a new identity, but it is not sufficient. There must also be a formative community that both blesses and marks the individual's choices in order to confer the new identity.

So if you are invited to participate in a graduation or wedding ceremony this time of year, I hope you will joyfully accept. You have been invited because you are an essential part of the community that has formed that person's identity. Without you, they wouldn't be the person that they are today. They need you there to bless and mark their new identity, and to love and support them as they grow into who they are now becoming.

To Be All There

On Facebook this week, as news reports came in regarding the death of Maya Angelou, countless people remembered her in the most fitting way one can honor a poet and author--they shared some her most famous quotes and poems. Some people shared touching stories of how they reacted when they first encountered the words of Maya Angelou, while others shared how her life and voice continue to touch their lives. Living Compass has an active Facebook page where we love to post quotes and images that are both pithy and inspiring in nature. It would have been only natural for us to share a post featuring the words of Maya Angelou on the day that she passed, but we chose to go in a different direction in her honor. The quote that we posted on our Facebook page this past Wednesday was this: "Wherever you are . . . be all there."

I cannot think of a more fitting description of the way Maya Angelou lived than the words "be all there." Maya Angelou was "all there." Her soul and her presence embodied the words that were her voice. When she spoke or when she read something she had written, she was "all there." She radiated a unity of heart, soul, mind, and strength. She lived an undivided life, which is another way of describing what it means to be "all there." You and I may not have the gift to write like Maya Angelou, but each of us has other important gifts. Each of us has our own unique combination of passion and talents, our own unique combination of heart, soul, mind, and strength. Each of us has the ability to live an undivided life. Each of us has the capacity to be all there for ourselves and for others.

I conclude with two Maya Angelou quotes that I feel are worth our thoughtful consideration today, words that might help guide our lives going forward, in her memory.

The first quote is,"Listen to yourself and in that quietude you might hear the voice of God."  These words are actually the final words she tweeted on her Twitter account, four days before she died. To listen deeply to ourselves and to hear the voice of God are essential steps in living an undivided life.

The second quote contains wisdom that I have always tried to keep in mind in the way I relate with others.  "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

True enough to this quote, I have forgotten most of the words that I heard her speak, but I will never forget the over all impact of her life. The way she was able to integrate and transcend all that she experienced, including abuse in her childhood, has inspired me and provided me with hope in the midst of whatever challenges I have faced.

Thank you Maya Angelou for helping us to never forget the importance of living an undivided life and showing us what it looks like to be "all there."   While we may not always remember your words, we will always remember the way you have made, and continue to make, us feel.