Love, Service, and Sacrifice

As an Episcopal priest, I have been involved with many funerals through the years. I've observed that whenever someone has spoken at these services, or at the reception that followed, the comments offered about the deceased have almost always included stories about how the deceased had loved and served others. I've heard stories of community service, stories of those who were loving friend or neighbor, father or mother, grandparent, aunt or uncle, stories of volunteer work, stories of generosity regarding time and money, stories of working with non-profit organizations, stories of people who gave in and through a faith community, and stories of individuals who served their country. Rarely at a funeral have I heard stories of a person's worldly accomplishments, and even when those have been mentioned it was usually in the context of how the deceased used such accomplishments to serve and give back to others. In last Friday's column I wrote of how Jack, my father-in-law, was very near death. Jack passed away last Friday night. It was a peaceful ending, permeated with the love of family and friends. This weekend we will gather to remember and celebrate Jack's life, and I know there will be a myriad of stories shared about his love and service to others as they will help us all remember and honor his life.

Why do we tell these stories of love and service when we remember someone's life? There are probably many reasons, but two principle reasons come to mind. First, I think we cherish and share these stories because they are a very important way in which the love of the person who has died continues to live on for us. I believe that what you and I do for ourselves comes from our egos and what we do for others comes from our souls, and it is the soul of a person that continues to live on after death.

The second reason I believe we tell stories of a person's love and service to others is that they inspire all those who tell and hear them to live similar lives. Stories of sacrifice, stories of being there for others, stories of making a difference in the lives of others encourage and inspire us to go and do likewise. Our collective memory is best served when it is filled with stories of love, service, and sacrifice.

This Monday, as a nation, we will celebrate Memorial Day, a time for our collective memory to honor the stories of those who gave the ultimate sacrifice of their lives in love and service to our country. Remembering those who died in service to our country reminds us that we are the beneficiaries of their sacrifices and additionally inspires us to provide loving service to others, to a cause greater than ourselves. May those who gave so much inspire us to commit to some new form of love, service, and sacrifice for others.

As you celebrate this Memorial Day may you take time to remember and share with others the inspirational stories of those you have known who have loved, served, and sacrificed during their lifetimes.

Reach Out

Our grandson is now seven and half months old and his favorite thing to do is reach out to touch or grab any person he can reach. This is all well and good when it's a hand that he grabs, but it is a little more challenging when he grabs hold of someone's hair or glasses. He cannot speak words yet, but his reaching to touch and grab is always accompanied by the utterance of sounds and gurgles that I can only assume mean, "I'm glad to see you," or "It feels so wonderful to connect with you," or "Thanks for being here with me right now!" I will now fast forward to the other end of the life span. My father-in-law, Jack, is 85 and very near the end of his life. He had a severe stroke late last week and many members of our large family have spent the week gathered around his bedside, returning to him the love that he has so freely given all of us these many years. He is dying a holy and peaceful death, surrounded by the people and the thoughts and prayers of those who love him most.

The first days after my father-in-law had his stroke, he was drifting in and out of consciousness. He could not speak, but he was able to recognize his family and respond to them. Each time his response has been to reach out his hand to touch or express a desire to have his hand held by someone, while at the same time uttering sounds and gurgles that we can only assume mean, "I'm glad to see you," or "It feels so wonderful to connect with you," or "Thanks for being here with me right now!" The nearly exact parallels with the actions and sounds of our grandson are impossible to miss.

When our son, daughter-in-law, and grandson came to visit my father-in-law this week, you can imagine what happened. Great-grandfather and great-grandson reached out their hands to touch each other, accompanied by sounds of delight at connecting, that no doubt expressed something like, "I"m glad to see you," or "It feels so wonderful to connect with you," or "Thanks for being here right now!" There was, of course, at that moment, not a dry eye in the room.

From the moment we are born to the moment we die, we long to connect with each other. We have an innate need, and an innate longing to touch and be touched, to hold and be held. Our wellness and wholeness is truly dependent on being connected to each other.

Who do you know that needs a loving touch right now in your life? Who do you know that needs a helping hand? Might you make time to reach out that person today, or sometime soon? And remember, you don't need to utter a word. As both my grandson and my father-in-law are teaching me, the power of touch, at any age or stage of life, transcends the need for words.

A Job Like No Other

In honor of Mother's Day, this week's column is simply a video to watch and a prayer to share. First is the link to a video, entitled "The World's Toughest Job" that says it all. (Here is the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HB3xM93rXbY). The video stands on it's own and needs no further commentary. Enjoy it and please share it with others who appreciate the job and art of motherhood. Second, I share with you the Mother's Day prayer below. Mother's Day stirs up a wide range of experiences and emotions for all of us. Many people feel great joy and appreciation this day, while others are feeling hurt or loss. I love this particular prayer because it lifts up and honors all of these emotions. I am grateful for the Rev. Debra Bullock, rector of St. Mark's Episcopal Church in Evanston, Illinois for sharing this prayer with me that she found in the book, Women's Uncommon Prayers: Our Lives Revealed, Nurtured, Celebrated, eds. Elizabeth Rankin Geitz, Marjorie A. Burke, Ann Smith, (Harrisburg, PA: Morehouse Publishing, 2000), 364. This prayer is written by The Rev. Leslie Nipps.

"On this Mother's Day, we give thanks to God for the divine gift of motherhood in all its diverse forms. Let us pray for all the mothers among us today; for our own mothers, those living and those who have passed away; for the mothers who loved us and for those who fell short of loving us fully; for all who hope to be mothers someday and for those whose hope to have children has been frustrated; for all mothers who have lost children; for all women and men who have mothered others in any way - those who have been our substitute mothers and we who have done so for those in need; and for the earth that bore us and provides us with our sustenance. We pray this all in the name of God, our great and loving Mother. Amen."

In the midst of all the emotions that we may be feeling this Mother's Day, we at Living Compass give thanks for, and to, all mothers and for all the mothering--whatever its source-- that we have all been blessed to receive in our lives.

The Forgiveness Challenge

Eighteen years ago I had the honor of spending several hours with a personal hero of mine.  This person, one of the people I admire most in my life, is author, Anglican Bishop, and Nobel Peace Prize winner Desmond Tutu.  I will never forget those three hours; they still seem to me like they just happened yesterday.  Bishop Tutu was in town to lead a worship service and speak at a reception and I was invited to be part of a small group of clergy group that participated in the service.  I was fortunate to spend a fair amount of time with Bishop Tutu as part of a small group preparing for the service. What I remember most was his graceful presence and his sense of humor. He put us all at ease, making us all feel as though we were with a dear friend, someone we had known for years.  There was not an ounce of self-importance or pride in this man.  He spent a considerable amount of time thanking us for our prayers in support of the work he was doing in South Africa to end apartheid.  He also spoke with us that day about how the greatest challenge that he and others were facing in the aftermath of apartheid was learning how to practice and extend forgiveness to the people that caused him and countless others unspeakable hurt and humiliation.

Now, eighteen years later, Desmond Tutu is again talking about the challenge of forgiveness.  In fact, Bishop Tutu and his daughter the Rev. Mpho Tutu are inviting all of us to sign up and join them for a 30-day "Forgiveness Challenge” that begins on May 4, 2014.  Anyone signing up for the Forgiveness Challenge, will receive daily emails for thirty days.  These emails will include exercises to teach us how to forgive, plus inspiring stories and interviews with people who have been transformed through the act of forgiving or through being forgiven.  Individuals will also receive excerpts from the Tutu's new book, "The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World."

The title of this book rings true for me when it talks about forgiveness as a path to healing ourselves and our world.  In my work with our Living Compass wellness program, the topic of forgiveness comes up quite often.  Some people talk about needing to forgive another who has hurt them, while others talk about needing to make amends and seek forgiveness from someone they have hurt.  In both instances, people are seeking healing by seeking to receive or to offer forgiveness.  Forgiveness is on their minds and they know they need to offer or receive it as a step in moving forward toward greater health and wholeness.

Is there someone in your life that you need to forgive?  Is there someone from whom you need to seek forgiveness?  The forgiveness you need to seek or need to offer, might be related to something that just happened yesterday, a month ago, or many years, even decades, ago.  No matter how recent, or how big an issue involved, Desmond Tutu is right to remind us that forgiveness is a challenge.  It is a challenge that takes commitment, perseverance, patience, humility, and a deep spirituality.

I've signed up for the “Forgiveness Challenge.”  I hope you will, too.  You can do so by going to forgivenesschallenge.com    Together, let's do our part in healing ourselves and the world.

Supporting Each Other in the Marathons of Life

Twice during the past week I have had tears in my eyes as I watched a runner cross the finish line of a marathon.  Monday I watched Meb Keflezighi win the Boston Marathon, the first American male to do so since 1983 and at 39, the oldest runner to do so since 1931.  The odds of him winning Boston were clearly against him, and yet he found a way to pull away from the other favorites to win the race.  Here is what was posted on his Facebook page the day after the race, the same day he received a congratulatory phone call from President Obama: Keflezighi's win was entirely unexpected. Turning 39 next month, his best days seemed to be in his past, especially given the Kenyan stronghold on the race. Since 1991, a runner from Kenya has won the men's race 19 times. Throughout the race he kept thinking, "Boston Strong, Boston Strong, Meb Strong, Meb Strong." The strains of Aerosmith's Dream On, the tribute version, also ran through his head. As the frontrunner throughout the race, Keflezighi was cheered by massive crowds from Hopkinton to Boylston Street.  "You got this, Meb," they shouted. "U-S-A," they chanted.  Keflezighi, wearing a red and white top and blue shorts, gave them a thumbs up or a fist pump in return. "I just used their energy," he said. "I take so much pride in being an American."

In several post-race interviews I heard Keflezighi talk about how much the fan support meant to him as he was straining to hold off his challengers in the final miles of the race.  The cheering fans carried him along as he continued to run sub-five minute miles right until the very end.

My other experience of tearing up as I watched a marathoner cross the finish line happened two days prior to the Boston Marathon, when I had the delight of watching my wife, Holly, complete her first marathon in Salt Lake City.  Four months earlier her longest run had been 13.1 miles and now here she was approaching her 60th birthday, and completing the 26.2 miles of a marathon.  Our family was together for this exciting event, all cheering Holly on to her great accomplishment.  While there was no call from President Obama the next day, her accomplishment was just as inspiring to all of us as if she had won the Boston Marathon.

A marathon is not just a running race.  A marathon  is ultimately all about the human race, about the indomitable power and perseverance of the human spirit.  Each of us, in our own way, is most likely running some kind of marathon in our own lives--perhaps even several marathons.  It might be a marathon of hard work, parenting, caring for a loved one, working for peace and justice, recovering from an addiction, or some kind of loss or setback.  Life itself is its own kind of marathon.  In all of these non-running marathons, there are not beginners and experts, there are simply souls who inspire to do the best they can, to give it all they have, and to keep moving forward by putting one foot in front of the other.

Both Keflezighi and my wife, Holly, both repeatedly have talked of how important it was to have people cheering them on. The energy and support of others truly pulled them across the finish line. Do you know someone who is running some kind of a marathon right now, someone who could use some fan support?  Go ahead and make some noise for them.  Make a sign that proclaims your support.  Ring a cow bell when they are near or find some other way to express your encouragement. Thank them for inspiring your spirit to keep running the most important and inspiring race of all, the human race.