The Power of Humor Is In How We Use It
The Wellness Compass Initiative is our partner community wellness initative that serves schools, counseling centers, nonprofits, and other community wellness organizations. Each week Holly Hughes Stoner and Scott Stoner co- write a column for Wellness Compass and we are pleased to share it here on our Living Compass site. There is also a Wellness Compass podcast at www.wellnesscompass.org/podcast.
Last week, we had the honor of presenting our Wellness Compass resources at the annual Wisconsin Mental Health and Recovery Conference. A thousand providers from around the Midwest were in attendance, and it was truly an inspiring experience to meet so many people on the front lines every day helping to relieve suffering and, in so doing, making the world a better place.
One of the keynote speakers for the conference was Tom Farley. Tom is the older brother of Chris Farley, the famous comedian who died tragically of a drug overdose in 1997 at the age of 33.
Tom shared with us that, like his brother Chris, he has also struggled with drug and alcohol addiction. Now in recovery, for many years, Tom is now a motivational speaker who tells his story at conferences and high schools around the country of getting in touch with his emotions as part of his recovery.
Tom, following the tradition of his family, is quite funny. He said he learned how to be witty from his earliest days of growing up in his family. He explained that their family had one tool in its emotional toolbox and that was the tool of humor. No matter the issue of the day for their family, be it a disappointment in someone’s sporting endeavor, an argument with a friend, or a struggle in academics, they always found a way to joke about it. He went on to say that as he started his journey in recovery, he had to learn something he did not know from his childhood, and that was how to identify and express all of his emotions.
His ongoing growth has been to integrate his humor with his capacity to be serious and real. Unlike his childhood, when humor was used to mask and hide more complicated emotions, he is now comfortable with the full range of emotions, from the very serious to the very funny.
His talk resonated with what we also teach regarding our emotional and relational wellbeing. The capacity to feel and express the full range of emotions is foundational for emotional and relational health. Humor, when used creatively and with loving intention, helps us all. But when used to mask our feelings, or when our intent is to be hurtful or cutting of ourselves or another, humor can create a divide between us and others we care about, and diminish everyone’s wellbeing.
We invite you to reflect on how you use humor in your life and your relationships. Perhaps you might become aware that you would like more of the positive experience of humor. Or perhaps you might become aware of how you sometimes use humor that is not so helpful in your relationships.
As always, we love to hear from you. You can email us at
connect@wellnesscompass.org, or through our Wellness Compass Facebook page.
We invite you to listen to this week's podcast episode if you are interested in a few of our thoughts about this piece. It is easy to listen to the ten-minute episode. To find it—click HERE, and you will be taken to our Wellness Compass website, where you simply need to push the "play" button to listen to the audio.
Authors: Holly Hughes Stoner, LMFT, and Scott Stoner, LMFT
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