Commencement Exercise

Commencement Exercise

   Many of us know someone who is graduating this time of year. Perhaps we may even be attending a graduation ceremony (online or in-person), reading a famous person’s commencement address, or reflecting back on our own graduations.

The fact that graduations are called commencements has always caught my attention, as referring to them this way makes it clear that every ending is also a beginning. To quote the 1998 classic song, “Closing Time,” by Semisonic, “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”

There is another term related to graduation and commencement ceremonies that truly captures what is happening in those moments, and at the same time, has an excellent message for all of us whether we are graduates or not. Graduation ceremonies are also referred to as “exercises,” as in “the 165th Commencement Exercises for the University of _______ will be held…..”

I love the phrase “commencement exercises” because it makes it clear that the graduates are beginning something new, which will take effort and a willingness to change. Like all forms of exercise, starting something new takes discipline, commitment, courage, and intentional effort over a prolonged period of time. The rewards of exercise may not be apparent immediately or even in the short term, but regular exercise of any kind will always produce growth and change over time.

In honor of all who will participate in official commencement exercises this year, I’d like to offer a suggestion for the rest of us. Why not think about creating a commencement exercise for yourself right now? Is there something new that you would like to do to increase wellness in some aspect of your life? Would you like to start a new hobby, a new workout program, a new activity with someone you love? Would you like to learn a foreign language, start volunteering, plant a new garden, or begin a spiritual practice or routine?

Creating commencement exercises on a regular basis is a good thing as it strengthens the muscles we need for negotiating transitions and helps us to thrive. Commencement exercises keep us strong in body, mind, and spirit.

So as we celebrate and honor all who are participating in academic commencement exercises, I hope each of us will be inspired to create goals and a few commencement exercises of our own so that we too can graduate into a new, even better way of being in the world.

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Between No Longer and Not Yet

Between No Longer and Not Yet

   This is the time of year when it is common for me to get phone calls from parents of graduating high school seniors. While the details are different with each of these calls, there is one common theme to them all. The parents want to know why when graduation should be such a happy occasion, they are seeing such high levels of stress in their high school senior. "One moment, my son/daughter is on top of the world, and the next they are in the depths of worry and despair. Are these mood swings normal?" I explain that what their son or daughter is experiencing is indeed normal and to be expected and that the reason it is so is that their son or daughter is currently in a liminal space. 

  The word liminal comes from the Latin word limens, which means "limit or threshold." Author and theologian Richard Rohr defines the liminal space that is experienced when we go through a significant transition this way, "It is when you have left, or are about to leave, the tried and true, but have not yet been able to replace it with anything else. It is when you are between your old comfort zone and any possible new answer. If you are not trained in how to hold anxiety, how to live with ambiguity, how to entrust and wait, you will run...anything to flee this terrible cloud of unknowing." Ancient cultures referred to liminal space as a "crazy time," which seems to be exactly what the parents I spoke to on the phone this week were witnessing.

  All cultures have rites of passage ceremonies to mark liminal transitions. For example, in addition to graduations, there are rites of passages throughout our lives for weddings, funerals, quinceañeras, and baby naming or baptism ceremonies. Liminal transitions also occur in many other ways that are not always marked by official ceremonies. Starting or leaving a job, moving, retirement, beginning or ending a relationship, or a significant change in one's health are all examples of liminal transitions.

  There are two essential factors all people need when they find themselves in a liminal space: spirituality and community. These two factors will provide direction and support in the midst of this vulnerable, "crazy" time. Spirituality is what defines "true north" for us all the time, but especially in times of transition. It is what defines and grounds our core values and beliefs, and may or may not be connected to religious faith. Community is our network of friends and family, the people we can turn to when we need support.

  This is why all rites of passage ceremonies, including graduations, involve both a time for reflection and inspiration (spirituality) and a way for the community to jointly celebrate the important life transition that is being marked. The community gathers to both celebrate and support and show commitment to the person who is crossing the critical threshold, as they move from some kind of previous "normal" to a new and yet undefined "normal." So if you receive an invitation to a graduation party this year know that it is actually a gathering to acknowledge a young person's passage through a liminal space, and you now know the importance of showing up and offering your encouragement and support.

  We are all wise to remember the words that are written in the photograph above, no matter what type of transition we, or someone we love, are going through, whether it be a graduation, or living through a pandemic: "Honor the space between no longer and not yet.”

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Remembering

Remembering

A friend reminded me this week of a Memorial Day reflection I wrote four years ago that meant a great deal to him. This, along with a very full week, was just the nudge I needed to share that column once again. 

As Memorial Day approaches this year, I find myself thinking a lot about the importance of remembering. I especially remember my dad, who passed away in 2011, as he was one of the fortunate few to have survived the invasion of Utah Beach on D-Day. Many of his friends died by his side that day, and I know he always painfully remembered both their friendship and their bravery on subsequent Memorial Days. He aways said it was imperative to remember those friends and the ultimate sacrifice they made. 

I have also been thinking about the importance and power of remembering as I recently reconnecd with a friend I hadn’t seen or spoken with for many years. The conversation was electric as we discussed over coffee stories of experiences that we had shared, ones that are unique to our friendship, and therefore could only be shared and remembered by the two of us. The more we talked, the more we remembered, and before we knew it, two hours had passed, and yet it felt like we had just sat down.

Such is the power of remembering. Such is the power of having someone else remember something about us, and about our shared history. We are all, I’m sure, warmed by the experience of someone saying to us, “I have this wonderful memory of you, of the time when you………” To be remembered is to feel honored and cared for.

Memory is the foundation of culture and identity as well, and our enhanced capacity for memory is what separates us from all other living creatures. Identity is rooted in knowing and remembering our origin and history, whether it be that of an individual, a family, an institution, a country, or a religion. And identity and meaning are strengthened when we remember and share our stories.

This connection between memory, identity, and meaning is the reason we as a nation will once again celebrate Memorial Day this Monday. On Memorial Day, we remember and honor those who have given their lives in service to our country, and we honor the fact that our collective identity today is rooted in their sacrifice. As Nobel Laureate and Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel said, “Without memory, there is no culture. Without memory, there would be no civilization, no society, no future.”

While I understand the wisdom of “living in the present moment” and of not getting “stuck in the past,” I also know that we can become “stuck in the present” when we fail to remember how much our present, our identity, and our culture are shaped by our history. Memorial Day weekend provides us with the perfect chance to balance both being in the present and respecting the past. As we enjoy time to recreate this weekend, let’s also make time to remember, honor, and give thanks for those who have gone before us, shaping our lives even today.

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Busy Being Born

Busy Being Born

Robert Allen Zimmerman, a man I admire greatly, will turn eighty years old on Monday. Through the years, there have been times when that I didn’t think he would make it due to concerns about his health. And now, as always, I am grateful for the influence he has had on my life ever the past five decades. I was fifteen, and he was thirty when I was first introduced to him. While you may not recognize Mr. Zimmerman's name, you no doubt know him by the name he took for himself when he was twenty-one, Bob Dylan. When asked about why he changed his name in an interview many years ago, he shrugged his shoulders and answered, as only he could, “I don’t really know. I think some people are just born to the wrong name. It happens.”

When I was in college, I had a poster on my dorm wall that contained a lyric from an obscure Dylan song. The lyric was, “He not busy being born is busy dying.” That lyric speaks to me today as powerfully as it did fifty years ago. Dylan has lived that lyric out in the way he has continually reinvented himself and his music. In doing so, he has served as a role model for me to keep embracing the creativity of the present moment instead of trying to relive or hold on to the past. 

If you have ever seen Bob in concert, as I have close to twenty times, you know that he rarely ever sings one of this song the same way twice. He is always trying out new arrangements and even adding new or altered lyrics. When asked about this, he said he tries not to ever think about or recapture the past, saying it futile to try to do so and a waste of time and energy. By continuously rearranging his past catalog of songs and continuing to write new material for over sixty years, he has evolved and modeled what it means to continue to be “busy being born.

As proof of Dylan’s continuing to evolve and live fully in the present, just last year, he released a new album (his 39th), and one of its songs, “Murder Most Foul,” reached number one on the Billboard record chart. At age 79, and after recording some of the most iconic songs of the modern area, this turned out be another new achievement for Dylan as it was his first song to achieve that honor.

I want to close with the lyrics of a touching song Dylan wrote in 1973 as a prayer and blessing for his children. The song, “Forever Young,” also speaks to me as a prayer and blessing for all of us as we grow older. Staying forever young means having a curious and evolving spirit, not living in or trying to hold on to the past, but continuing to embrace the creative possibilities that remain, right now, in the present moment.

May God bless and keep you always,

May your wishes all come true,

May you always do for others

And let others do for you.

May you build a ladder to the stars

And climb on every rung,

May you stay forever young,

Forever young, forever young,

May you stay forever young.

May you grow up to be righteous,

May you grow up to be true,

May you always know the truth

And see the lights surrounding you.

May you always be courageous,

Stand upright and be strong,

May you stay forever young,

Forever young, forever young,

May you stay forever young.

May your hands always be busy,

May your feet always be swift,

May you have a strong foundation

When the winds of changes shift.

May your heart always be joyful,

May your song always be sung,

May you stay forever young,

Forever young, forever young,

May you stay forever young.

And just in case any of you forward this column to him, I want to be sure to add, “Happy Birthday, Bob. And even though the times they are a-changing, thanks for showing us all these years how to stay forever young and how to stay busy being born—again, and again.”

By Scott Stoner, for Living Compass. If you would like to receive this column by email every Friday morning, you can subscribe, and read past columns, at www.livingcompass.org/wwow

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Listening to the Holy

Listening to the Holy

Since the pandemic started, I have made it a habit to spend at least one hour outside every day—even throughout the cold Wisconsin winter. I started this practice initially to take a break from screen time and spending too much time indoors. There is now another reason I continue it.  

Now that spring is bursting forth in full force, each hour spent outside is a delight. The sounds of the birds (robins, cardinals, sandhill cranes, red-wing blackbirds, chickadees, and Canada geese, to name a few), the beauty and fragrance of the buds and flowers, the warming of the sun, and even the spring showers are a gift from heaven that regularly call me to come to enjoy them. 

The reason I love spending time in nature is that it feels a bit like heaven to me. My entire life, as long as I can remember, I have always felt enchanted by nature and have regularly experienced the presence of the Holy whenever I spend time outdoors, soaking in the natural world.  

Recently, I have written several columns about listening. Based on the responses of those of you who have written to me, I am apparently not the only one who wants to improve their listening skills.

Continuing the theme of being a better listener, I have extended my focus to include being a better listener to the natural world around me. In addition to enhancing my listening to others, I have been practicing this as well.

I want to share this poem I recently discovered entitled “Listening to Spring,” and I invite you to leave your earbuds at home next time you go for a walk. I invite you to listen instead, as our poet, Macrina Wiederkehr, must have done, to the sounds of the Holy that are all around, just waiting to be noticed by us. 

“Listening to Spring”

How quietly the earth breathes forth new life. How eagerly the sun bleeds for the spring.

I am listening.

I am listening to seeds breaking open, to roots growing strong beneath the ground, to green shoots rising up from the winter wombs.

I am listening to thorns blossoming, to barren branches laughing out new growth, to wildflowers dancing through the meadows.

I am listening.

I am listening to the forest filling up with song. I am listening to the earth filling up with life. I am listening to trees filling up with leaves. 

I am listening.

I am listening to the sky with its many changing moods, to flashes of lightning, peals of thunder, to opening buds and greening grass….

I am listening to the breaking form of light in the vestibule of dawn. I am listening to the freshness of the morning.

I am listening.

I am listening to the brook, to the song of happy waters. I am listening to music rising up from all the earth. I am listening to spring soaring on wings of life. I am listening to the sounds of spring.

I am listening to prayers pouring forth from feathered throats. I am listening to prayers rising up from misty waters. I am listening to prayers of a meadow crowned with dawn.

I am listening.

I am listening to the growing in the garden of my heart. I am listening to my heart singing songs of resurrection. I am listening to the colors of life.

I am listening.

I am listening to winter handing over spring. I am listening to the poetry of spring.

I am listening.

*From ”Listening to Spring” (excerpts) From The Circle of Life, by Macrina Wiederkehr

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