The Hidden Curriculum

 
The Hidden Curriculum
 

The Hidden Curriculum

  

  I am married to a former teacher. I have recently been thinking about the idea of the "hidden curriculum," a concept I learned from her quite a few years ago. This concept refers to lessons and values that students learn, sometimes unintended because they are not directly part of the subject being taught in the curriculum. This could include planning ahead, getting along with others, the importance of honesty, and other important lessons related to values and character.

  I thought about the idea of the hidden curriculum in light of how all of us, adults and children, are currently being homeschooled in the midst of the current pandemic. I began to reflect on what unintended lessons I am learning in the midst of my own at home learning experience.

  I'm guessing you are learning a few lessons of your own, and thus I will invite you near the end of this column to share yours on our Living Compass Facebook page.

Here is what I am learning at this moment, in no particular order.  

1. We are all more interdependent and interconnected than I ever realized. I am reminded of a quote I heard a few years ago, "When 'I' is replaced with "We" Illness becomes Wellness. It will require a worldwide collective "we" to get to the other side of this

2. My life is enriched because I am listening to more music while at home, thanks, in large part, to the many artists who are sharing live performances online right now. Music (for me) is the language of the soul. Case in point—check out one of Yo Yo Ma's current online offerings.

3. The word essential has taken on new meaning for me. As in nurses, grocery store employees, skilled-care facility workers, teachers, mental health providers, food producers, childcare workers, pharmacy workers, truck drivers, first responders, doctors, farmers, and all who work in health care.  

4. Heartfelt expressions of love and gratitude can sometimes make me cry. I'm referring to the video that shows hundreds of people who come out on their high-rise balconies in Atlanta to applaud the healthcare workers at a nearby hospital during each evening's shift change.

5. I now realize I have taken the opportunity to give and receive affection for granted. I so very much miss being able to hug my grandchildren and so many other people I love. 

6. A long walk or a good run does wonders for my mood. Even more so when said walk or run is through the woods or in a park.  

7. Ditto for the wonders of a good night's sleep.

8. Ten to twenty minutes of some form of spiritual practice each morning (mindfulness, centering prayer, spiritual reading) helps me to be less anxious throughout the day.

9. Brené Brown often has just the words that I need to hear. This week she wrote, "The pandemic experience is a massive experiment in collective vulnerability. We can be our worst selves when we're afraid, or our very best, bravest selves. In the context of fear and vulnerability, there is often very little in between because when we are uncertain and afraid our default is self-protection. We don't need to be scary when we are scared. Let's choose awkward, brave, and kind. And let's choose each other."  

10. Parents are some of the hardest working and often most under-appreciated people I know. They need our encouragement and support, now more than ever.  

11. Grief expresses itself in a myriad of ways, including anger, fighting, illness, hopelessness, distancing, shutting down, numbing out, and exhaustion. And the amount of grief and loss that so many are experiencing right now is getting very real. Let's give ourselves and others the space needed to feel and express loss.

12. The human spirit is resilient and beautiful in ways that continually inspire me.

13. Healing cannot be rushed, and it always takes longer, sometimes way longer than I wish it would.

  When I look back over my life, I see that the times that I experienced the most profound spiritual growth were often during and after times of loss and upheaval. For this reason, I know this time contains a hidden curriculum that will forever influence the way I live my life. A wise friend of mine (thank you, Julia Gray) shared a quote this week that sums this up, "In a rush to return to normal, may we use this time to consider which parts of normal are worth rushing back to."

  We are all students and teachers in this collective, unfolding journey. I invite you to share what you are learning by posting your wisdom on our Living Compass Facebook page, which you can find HERE

  What's been the hidden curriculum for you during this pandemic, and what have you learned so far?


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Liminal Time

 
Liminal Time
 

Liminal Time

   Pandemic is now a new word that many of us have added to our daily vocabulary. I don't believe I had ever really used the term until recently. 

   Please allow me to introduce what is perhaps another new word that you may find helpful in these unprecedented times. The word is liminal. In case you were not aware, we are now living in liminal time. The word liminal comes from the Latin word limens, which means "limit or threshold." Author and theologian Richard Rohr defines liminal time in this way: "It is when you have left, or are about to leave, the tried and true, but have not yet been able to replace it with anything else. It is when you are between your old comfort zone and any possible new answer. If you are not trained in how to hold anxiety, how to live with ambiguity, how to entrust and wait, you will run...anything to flee this terrible cloud of unknowing." He goes on to say that ancient cultures referred to liminal space as "crazy time," because it is like nothing we have ever experienced before. Think of it as that space, that time, when a flying acrobat has let go of one swinging trapeze and is in mid-air, anxiously seeking the grasp of another who is swinging their way. 

   Each of us has most likely experienced a liminal time at some point in our lives. Liminal times can come into our lives as planned or unplanned. These are times when life is forever different - when life is divided between before and after the event. They include, but are certainly not limited to, the following: the loss of a loved one, the birth of a child, the loss of a job, retirement, moving, a health diagnosis/crisis, the beginning or end of a significant relationship, graduations, and military service. 

   What is unique about the current pandemic is that it is a liminal time that literally the entire world is going through together, all at the same time. Of course, some individuals are much more affected by Covid-19 than others, but everyone is affected in some way. I can not think of a time in my life where billions of people all around the globe have faced the same challenge at the same time.

   Research on resilience has shown that there are two essential factors that people need when they find themselves living in a liminal time: spirituality and community. These two factors will provide direction and support in the midst of this vulnerable, "crazy" time. 

   Spirituality is what defines "true north" for us all the time, but especially in times of change. It is what defines and grounds our core values and beliefs, and for many, but not all, is connected to religious faith. Spirituality is what inspires people to risk their own health at a time like this, to show up and support others—whether as health care workers, first responders, or grocery store workers. Spirituality is what helps people to choose love over fear. Spirituality is what gives us a bedrock of meaning, purpose, and hope, when so much around us is changing.  

   Community is our network of friends and family, the people we can turn to when we need support. This is a challenge in the face of our need to "socially distance" ourselves for the greater good. But because the need to connect is so strong and so universal, we have seen the creative ways people are finding to connect in the midst of this pandemic. People singing on their balconies at night in Italy, faith communities offering online prayer services, neighbors gathering to greet one another across their streets, people volunteering to grocery shop for their at-risk neighbors, musicians offering free online concerts, and grandparents, aunts, and uncles reading bedtime stories and playing games with young family members via Zoom. I'm sure there are other stories each of you could add of the creative ways that people are finding to be both separated and connected at the same time. The resilience of the human spirit is formidable.

   I close with one simple, anonymous act of kindness from a member of my community, one that my wife and I were blessed by today. Even though it was a rainy day, my wife and I went out for a long walk late this afternoon. Part of our walk took us to a paved bike trail near our home. Along the side of the bike trail, we noticed a small green dinosaur-like figure with a sign taped on its front. As we got closer, we could see that the sign, created by someone who we will never know, said simply, "Breathe," along with a heart, the universal symbol for love. (See image below).

   That sign expresses my hope and prayer right now for all of us. May we all find a way to breathe in (and out) a little more love at this time. 

The light of love shines in this liminal time of darkness, and the darkness will not overcome it.  


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Standing Together

 
Standing Together
 

Standing Together

  Can you guess what the following locations from around the world have in common?

Santa Monica, CA

New Orleans, Louisiana 

Amsterdam, Netherlands

Zuni, New Mexico 

Toulouse, France

Rio De Janeiro, Brazil

Moscow, Russia

Caracas, Venezuela

The Congo

Guguletu, South Africa

Barcelona, Spain

Umlazi, South Africa

Pisa, Italy

Mamelodi, South Africa 

Given what’s going on in the world, you may have guessed that they are locations where people have tested positive for COVID-19. In fact, they are all places from which musicians around the world came together virtually to make an inspiring recording of the 1961 classic song, “Stand By Me.” 

We all have practices and people we turn to that give us hope and comfort in anxious times. Prayer, friends, family, spending time in nature, and music come to mind. All of these are important to me, and this song, for me, is like a prayer, so I turn to it often. I watch it whenever I feel discouraged about what’s happening in the world. Apparently, I am not alone, as there have been more than 142 million views of this video. As we all face an unprecedented worldwide crisis, a song featuring musicians from around the world seems most fitting.  

In the midst of our worry, let’s stand with and support the people from every corner of the world who are courageously fighting COVID-19 either as patients, healthcare workers, or in any other capacity. My prayer is that we may find comfort and strength in standing together in this time of anxiety. 

Here is the link to this music video I love to watch. Watching our brothers and sisters around the world singing this hopeful song could be the best five minutes of your day, and may remind you of someone you know who could use a little “standing by” right now.  

You can find the video by clicking HERE>


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We Are All Connected

 
We Are All Connected
 

We Are All Connected

  I arrived here at Chicago’s O’Hare airport this morning just as the sun was rising. I cleared security quickly and now have some unexpected extra time at my gate. As I am writing this, I am observing an efficient team of workers servicing the plane I am about to board. They are checking the air pressure of the tires, adding fuel, loading luggage, and doing various other service checks. As I sit here, I am beyond grateful for their work and wish I could somehow communicate my appreciation.

  I am also grateful for the people who work at the hotel I stayed at last night, that made my stay possible, the multitude of people who make up the cleaning and desk staff, the managers, the people who order and prepare the breakfast food, the list goes on and on. And I’m also thankful for the shuttle driver and for the TSA workers. And for the barista who came to work at 4:30 AM to make the coffee, I am drinking while I sit here. I see the flight crew arriving and, of course, am appreciative of their skills and knowledge as well. 

  If you are like me, it is easy to forget how interconnected we all are. Perhaps that is one positive we can take from the Covid-19 virus scare we are all experiencing right now. The choices an individual might be making thousands of miles away from us at this very moment could possibly end up affecting our well-being. This is, of course, always true, but today it is especially on my mind as several people around me are wearing masks, and almost all of us are using hand sanitizer. It is a small world, after all, and we are much more connected than we usually realize.

  Last week I wrote about letting go. One of the things I want to let go of is my over-developed sense of individualism. As I look back over my life, I realize that I have taken excessive pride in my individual accomplishments, and have far too often diminished my interdependence on others. It’s not that personal choices and efforts are unimportant and shouldn’t be honored. It’s not an either/or, but a both/and. We are who we are because of our individual choices and because of the choices that countless others make that impact and influence us.  

  I am on my way to co-lead a men’s retreat in Covington, Louisiana, with Bill Miller, Greg Kerr-Wilson, and a group from Christ Episcopal Church, just north of New Orleans. One of the things we will talk about is the importance for we men to embrace our interdependency. I know for me, and for many men, this does not come easily. 

  In doing so, the men and I will keep the wise words of Margaret Wheatley close this weekend and beyond: “Relationships are all there is. Everything in the universe only exists because it is in relationship to everything else. Nothing exists in isolation. We have to stop pretending we are individuals that can go it alone.”


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Choosing to Let Go

 
Choosing to Let Go
 

Choosing to Lett Go

  Have you ever had a time where you have several conversations, and they all seem to revolve around a similar theme? I had that experience this week in my private life, my life as a therapist, and in my work with our Living Compass, where we are running an online Facebook group for Lent. Letting go kept coming up in al three of these contexts. Here is a summary of what others, as well as myself, had to say about what they are working on letting go of at this time in their lives:

*The past, especially past regrets

*An unhealthy relationship

*My expectations of others

*Living up to other’s expectations of me

*Thinking I am responsible for things for which I am clearly not responsible.

*Trying to please others

*My timing for how things should unfold

*Procrastination

*Worry

*Overindulging with food or alcohol

*Spending too much money

*Grudges

*My plans for how things should go

*Comparing myself to others

*Too much stuff

*Control

*My kids

*Being judgmental

*Anger and resentment

*Unhealthy expectations of myself

*Perfectionism

*Trying to be someone I’m not

 The opposite of letting go is holding on. It seems to me that in no small degree, the art of living well is knowing when to hold on, and when to let go. Both are, at times, quite necessary. Wisdom is understanding, which is best in any particular situation.

 Millions of Christians around the world this week began observing the season of Lent. And what is the practice that is most commonly associated with observing Lent? The practice of giving something up, which is, in other words, the practice of choosing something to let go of. It used to be that people most gave up things like chocolate, coffee, sugar, or alcohol for Lent. I now hear instead more people, as part of their Lent discipline, talking about giving up or letting go of many of the things listed above. It seems that their wiser, spiritual selves know that if they can muster the courage to let go, they will be better off emotionally, spiritually, relationally, and/or physically.  

 I am working on letting go of several things this Lent: working too much, perfectionism, and worry. At the same time, I am holding on to daily practices of exercise and meditation, as I know from experience that these help me achieve my goals of letting go.

 How about you? Are you observing Lent by giving up or letting go of something? Even if you don’t observe Lent, are you aware of anything in your life that you desire to let go of? Perhaps reviewing the list above will help.  

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 This column also gets posted on Facebook, and I welcome your thoughts and comments there. You can find our page at https://www.facebook.com/LivingCompass/ Scroll down to see today’s column to share your comments. We have much to learn from each other.


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