Receiving Feedback

Receiving Feedback

There is nothing I enjoy more this time of year than being on my road bike. Wisconsin summer weather plus idyllic rural farm scenery make an ideal combination that is best experienced on two wheels.

It takes me about thirty minutes by bike to get out of town on my way to the countryside.  Along the way I experience a repeated challenge in the form of radar speed feedback signs, where I get to do something that I would certainly never do while driving my car. I speed up and race against the radar to see how high a speed I can register. To date, I am excited to say I have hit 29 mph on a few occasions. There may or may not have been a downhill involved.

The research on radar speed feedback signs shows that they are quite effective in slowing drivers down. (I do not know of any research yet that shows they are also effective in speeding cyclists up). What I love most about these signs is that they simply provide immediate feedback to drivers. If your speed is at a potentially dangerous level, the device will let you know, often with flashing lights. No tickets are given. There is no one there to pull you over if you are going too fast. It’s on the honor system for each driver to choose their response to the feedback they receive.

As a writer of a weekly wellness column, this started me thinking about other signs in my life that gives me feedback that I am moving too fast. What kind of flashing lights do I see that show me that the current choices I am making are putting me at risk? Several things come to mind. Those who know me best and whom I trust will give me feedback when I seem “off” or out of sorts. A sure tell-tale sign for me that I am out of balance emotionally, physically, relationally, and/or spiritually is that I become irritable and inflexible. When my mind is racing with worry, it is a sure sign I need to get back to my mindfulness and centering prayer practice. Other warnings include blaming others for stresses in my life and finding it difficult to sleep.

No tickets are given, and no one pulls me over when I get these warning signs regarding my current state of balance and wellness. It’s on the honor system for me to decide how I will respond to the feedback I receive.

What signs do you get when your life is either moving too fast or is out of balance? How do you seek and receive honest feedback about your physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual wellness?

The research is conclusive that speed feedback signs do result in people slowing down and adjusting their driving behaviors. My own experience shows me that the same is true when I seek and respond to feedback regarding my well-being, feedback that is always there if I am willing to listen.  

So next time we drive or bike past a radar feedback sign, perhaps we can use it as not only a reminder of our speed of travel but also as a reminder to pay attention to the speed of our pace of life. Maybe it will help make us aware of the other possible indicators in our lives that are letting us know how fast we are living, and whether or not our current behaviors might be putting ourselves, or others, at risk.

---

Subscribe Now to Weekly Words of Wellness:

Click the button below to signup for the e-mail version of Weekly Words of Wellness. This weekly article can be shared with your community electronically and/or used for group discussion.

You can unsubscribe at any time.

This Summer

This Summer

In honor of today being the first day of summer, I would like to share a poem with you,

“The Summer Day”

By Mary Oliver

Who made the world?

Who made the swan, and the black bear?

Who made the grasshopper?

This grasshopper, I mean-

the one who has flung herself out of the grass,

the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,

who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-

who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.

Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.

Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.

I don't know exactly what a prayer is.

I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down

into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,

how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,

which is what I have been doing all day.

Tell me, what else should I have done?

Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?

Tell me, what is it you plan to do

with your one wild and precious life?

   I find the specificity of Mary Oliver paying attention to this grasshopper invigorating. I receive it as an invitation to ask how will I pay attention to this summer. Specifically, how will I pay attention this moment when I am working in the garden, this sunset that I am watching right now, the smell of this flower I am breathing in, the taste of this freshly harvested produce from this farmers market, the beauty of this starlit sky tonight, this round of golf I am playing, this moment I am chasing fireflies with my grandchildren, this moment my child is running through the sprinkler, this marshmallow I am toasting over a camp fire, this walk I am enjoying with this person on this summer evening?

   The ample pleasures of summer invite us to pay attention, to fall down into the grass, to be idle and blessed, and to stroll through the fields. 

So if the question Mary Oliver ends her poem with seems too immense for us, perhaps we can whittle it down to this: tell me, what is it you plan to do with this wild and precious summer?

             ********************************************* 

P.S. We post the Weekly Words of Wellness column on our Living Compass Facebook page each Friday morning and readers are encouraged to share their thoughts there. You can visit our Facebook page by clicking  HERE. Scroll down to find today's column and share your thoughts on how you intend to enjoy summer this summer.

---

Subscribe Now to Weekly Words of Wellness:

Click the button below to signup for the e-mail version of Weekly Words of Wellness. This weekly article can be shared with your community electronically and/or used for group discussion.

You can unsubscribe at any time.

Dadisms 2019

Dadisms 2019

I want to start by thanking the many readers of this column who, in response to my request over the last two weeks, have sent me their favorite Dadisms. As you will see below, the collective wisdom of these fathers and grandfathers is quite expansive. 
   As much as I loved receiving the Dadisms, what I enjoyed, even more, was reading the stories that readers shared about their fathers and grandfathers. Sometimes it was a story that provided the context for the Dadism that was shared. Other times, the memory of what their fathers had said to them brought forth a flood of touching and even funny memories they wanted to share. Many thanked me for sparking their memories and the opportunity to share their stories.
   Of course, not everyone is fortunate to have had a loving father. Several readers shared that the words they most remembered their fathers sharing with them, were hurtful, and at times, even abusive. It broke my heart to read what was shared, while at the same time, I was inspired by how many wrote that they had or are currently engaging in the real work it takes to heal and transcend deep hurt from one's childhood.
   This made me aware again that words have the power to lift less the people in our lives, as well as the power to hurt them. Clearly, the quote, "People won't always remember what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel," is true both positively and negatively. Our words are that important.
   As we pause to remember our fathers, grandfathers, and the other important men in our lives this Father's Day, may we also pause to reflect on the effect that our words have on the people we love, and pledge to use words that lift up, rather than tear down. Our fathers would be proud.

Here are the Dadisms that readers shared. Enjoy. 

"And so it goes."

"You can do anything you put your mind to."

"Always treat others the way you would want to be treated, and never ever let me see or hear you treat your mother badly."

"Don't let that cut you" (He was referring to farm implements. But I came to take it as being careful in all walks of life.

"Shut the door... we're not air conditioning the outside." and "Shut the door... we're not heating the outside.”

"Whatever you do, don't ever get old."

"Life is not a spectator sport."

"All parents are amateurs."

"Never spend your money in an establishment that disrespects you."

"Just do it, get done and be through with it."

"What did your mom say?"

"Never mistreat or disrespect a woman." 

"When the going gets tough, the tough get going!"

"The only difference between me and him is I shaved today."

"Go easy."

"Rub it off."

"I've got five million dollars upstairs" was a line my grandfather always used, whenever we would be talking about wealth.  Of course, he meant the five children he had (my dad and his siblings).

"The best way to lose friends is to borrow money from them."

"Honey, this too shall pass."

"Never turn down an interview."

"If you have to look at the prices, you shouldn't be eating there."

"You have no idea how lucky you are."

"Family first." 

"Those who speak, don't always do. Those who do, don't always speak."

"I don't understand how people cannot believe in God when they look at a sunset."

"Yesterday is a canceled check. Tomorrow a promissory note. Today is cash."  

"A short pencil is better than a long memory."

"You can always find something good to say about every person. And if you can't, you shouldn't say anything at all!"

"Use your better judgment next time."

"I'm not sleeping, I'm just resting my eyes."

"I'm very proud of all you've done but take time to have fun in life too!"

"You don't need to tell anyone how good you are. If it's true, others will know."

"Everything in moderation, including moderation!"

"A little dirt never hurt anyone."

"I think about what I have, not what I don't have."

"Attitude is everything".

"Always, remember how much I love you."

And Happy Father's Day to all the Dads who are reading this!

             ********************************************* 

P.S. It's not too late to share your own Dadisms and to discuss this column. We post the Weekly Words of Wellness column on our Living Compass Facebook page each Friday morning and readers are encouraged to share their thoughts there. You can visit our Facebook page by clicking  HERE. Scroll down to find today's column and share your Dadisms and other thoughts in the comments section.  

---

Subscribe Now to Weekly Words of Wellness:

Click the button below to signup for the e-mail version of Weekly Words of Wellness. This weekly article can be shared with your community electronically and/or used for group discussion.

You can unsubscribe at any time.

Sacred Spaces

Sacred Spaces

        All religious traditions emphasize the importance of sacred spaces, places set aside as holy and used for worship, prayer, meditation, and rituals. Christians have churches, Jews have synagogues, Muslims have mosques, and Buddhists and Hindus have temples, and other religions have theirs as well.  

    Sacred spaces are not, however, limited to the places set aside by those who participate in organized religion. Most of us can probably identify several places that are sacred for us, places where we like to return to connect with the spiritual world, and that which means the most to us in life. 

    What makes a place sacred? Some of the common characteristics of such places are natural beauty, peacefulness, places made holy by the sacrifices people have made there (did you notice how often articles about D-Day this week referred to the “hallowed grounds” of the beaches of Normandy?), and places where special memories have been made—often having shared them with friends or loved ones.

   When I recently did an internet search of places people commonly hold to be sacred, I found a variety of responses. The list included theaters, art museums, libraries, colleges and universities, concert and sports venues, childhood homes and vacation spots, gardens, mountains, lakes, rivers, beaches, cottages, national parks, hiking trails, and forests. The places were as varied as the people sharing their responses.

  Sacred spaces are on my mind because I am writing this week’s column in what, for me, is such a place—Door County, Wisconsin, a peninsula found between the western shore of Lake Michigan and the eastern shore of Green Bay. The combination of water, farms, parks, nature, biking, good friends, a beautiful historic church, and the overall slower pace of life have drawn me back here year after year. My cup is filled and my soul restored each year that I am able to spend a few weeks here in the beauty it offers. Every aspect of my wellness is watered here—spiritual, relational, physical, emotional, and vocational. 

What places help you to be in touch with that which is most sacred for you?

What places water your soul and restore your well-being? 

How will you be sure to make time to visit those places this summer?  

PS: If you have never been to Door County, you can get a small glimpse of its beauty in the photo above that I took this week. It is of a sunset we enjoyed just this week, while out for an evening bike ride. 

---

Subscribe Now to Weekly Words of Wellness:

Click the button below to signup for the e-mail version of Weekly Words of Wellness. This weekly article can be shared with your community electronically and/or used for group discussion.

You can unsubscribe at any time.

Honor the Space Between No Longer and Not Yet

Honor the Space Between No Longer and Not Yet

     This is the time of year when it is common for me to get phone calls from parents of graduating high school seniors.  While the details are different with each of these calls, there is one common theme to them all. The parents want to know why when graduation should be such a happy occasion, they are seeing such high levels of stress in their high school senior. "One moment, my son/daughter is on top of the world, and the next they are in the depths of worry and despair. Are these mood swings normal?" I explain that what their son or daughter is experiencing is indeed normal and to be expected, and that the reason it is so is because their son or daughter is currently in a liminal space. The word liminal comes from the Latin word limens, which means "limit or threshold." Author and theologian Richard Rohr defines the liminal space that is experienced when we go through a significant transition this way, "It is when you have left, or are about to leave, the tried and true, but have not yet been able to replace it with anything else.  It is when you are between your old comfort zone and any possible new answer. If you are not trained in how to hold anxiety, how to live with ambiguity, how to entrust and wait, you will run...anything to flee this terrible cloud of unknowing." Ancient cultures referred to liminal space as a "crazy time," which seems to be exactly what the parents I spoke to on the phone this week were witnessing.

   All cultures have rites of passage ceremonies to mark liminal transitions. For example, in addition to graduations, there are rites of passages throughout our lives for weddings, funerals, quinceañeras, and baby naming or baptism ceremonies. Liminal transitions also occur in many other ways that are not always marked by official ceremonies. Starting or leaving a job, moving, retirement, beginning or ending a relationship, or a significant change in one's health are all examples of liminal transitions.

   There are two essential factors all people need when they find themselves in a liminal space: spirituality and community. These two factors will provide direction and support in the midst of this vulnerable, "crazy" time. Spirituality is what defines "true north" for us all the time, but especially in times of transition. It is what defines and grounds our core values and beliefs, and may or may not be connected to a religious faith. Community is our network of friends and family, the people we can turn to when we need support.

   This is why all rites of passage ceremonies, including graduations, involve both a time for reflection and inspiration (spirituality) and a way for the community to jointly celebrate the important life transition that is being marked. The community gathers to both celebrate and support and show commitment to the person who is crossing the critical threshold, as they move from some kind of previous "normal" to a  new and yet undefined "normal." So if you receive an invitation to a graduation party this year  know that it is actually a gathering to acknowledge a young person's passage through a liminal space, and you now know the importance of showing up and offering your encouragement and support.

   We are all wise to remember the words that are written in the photograph above, no matter what type of transition we, or someone we love, are going through: "Honor the space between no longer and not yet.”

---

Subscribe Now to Weekly Words of Wellness:

Click the button below to signup for the e-mail version of Weekly Words of Wellness. This weekly article can be shared with your community electronically and/or used for group discussion.

You can unsubscribe at any time.