Plays Well With Others

 
Plays Well With Others
 

Plays Well With Others   

Luxury Liner was the first Emmylou Harris album I ever bought, and that was forty-one years ago. I  played it so much over the years that I nearly wore it out and have been a huge fan ever since. Not until just this week, however, did I have the privilege to see her in concert and was even fortunate to have the chance to meet and speak with her after the show. This opportunity to see her in person did not disappoint. Her concert and my interaction with her were soulful, authentic, and uplifting, just as I have always experienced her music.

    Over the last few weeks, as I would mention to people that I was going to be attending her upcoming show, they often commented that they knew who she was but couldn't name any of her "hit songs." Even though she has won fourteen Grammys, and just this year received the Grammy Lifetime Achievement award, she did not stand out as a big celebrity or musical star in peoples' memories.

    Some of my friends asked me why I had remained such a devoted fan for four decades. My response was that I find her music to have great depth, authenticity, and soulfulness. In addition, one of the things I love about Emmylou Harris is that she is such an outstanding collaborator. She has recorded and performed with over a hundred other notable artists including, Dolly Parton, Willie Nelson, Bill Monroe, Alison Kraus, Linda Ronstadt, Johnny Cash, Roy Orbison, Lucinda Williams, Tracy Chapman, Gram Parsons, John Prine, Guy Clark, Neil Young, Mark Knoplfer, The Band, and Bob Dylan . A talented songwriter herself, throughout her career she has also discovered and supported a multitude of other songwriters and musicians.

   In a world that often overvalues the role of the individual star or talent, I find Emmylou to be a refreshing alternative. She has embodied the truth captured in the African proverb, "If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together." A "one-hit wonder" might be able to create a splash with a top-selling hit song and have short-lived fame, but an artist like Emmylou Harris, on the other hand, has the ability to perform at a high level over a long period of time.  She has lasted in the music industry over fifty years due to both her individual talent and her gift of collaborating with so many others, across a wide variety of music genres.  

    To be a good collaborator, you need specific skills. You must be a good communicator, be willing to bring people from different walks of life together and celebrate their unique strengths, be prepared to compromise, be tolerant and accepting of others, be able to work well with others and conduct yourself in a way that adds value to the whole. You must be able to value the ability sing harmony as much as you value the ability to sing lead. Emmylou must have these skills and traits to be the collaborator she is, and I admire that in her as much as I admire her music. 

    This is a wellness column, and so what's the connection to wellness in all of this? When I reflect on my description of Ms. Harris, it seems to me like the perfect description of a well-lived life: depth, authenticity, soulfulness, and the ability to collaborate well with others. These traits, while perhaps not assisting us in being able to travel fast, will definitely help us to travel far.  


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What Nourishes Your Soul?

 
What Nourishes Your Soul?
 

What Nourishes Your Soul?   

    I just returned from spending ten days experiencing the rugged beauty of Northern California. After four days of leading a training retreat at the Bishop's Ranch Retreat and Conference Center, in Healdsburg (80 miles north of San Francisco), my wife and I took some vacation time to venture a few hundred miles further north to explore on foot  the remote coastline at Shelter Cover and the giant redwood forests in both Jedidiah State Park and Prairie Creek State Park. 

   Hiking is, of course, good for the body, but in my experience, it is even better for the soul. It is the perfect metaphor for the journey of life itself. All that is required is to simply keep putting one foot in front of the other, over and over again. The key in both hiking and life is to take time to stop and become fully present to the beauty that is around you, to feel the breeze, to smell the air, and to listen to the quiet sounds that you might otherwise miss. The journey itself, not the destination, is the most precious part of the experience.  

   Our journeys are always enriched when we are privileged to walk amongst elders. For me this week, this included redwood trees that were between five and seven hundred years old. To be in their presence and wonder about all that they have witnessed, all that they have endured, was a balm for my soul. Silence was the only response to the humility I felt standing before their almost incomprehensible height and breadth.  

   Is it any wonder that so many spiritual traditions contain stories of experiencing God in the wilderness? Whether on a mountaintop, in the desert, by a river or sea, or in the presence of a burning bush, the Sacred has always been experienced in and through nature. Experiencing creation has a way of connecting us with the Creator.  

   I am pretty good about remembering to nourish my body with proper food and rest. I, however, sometimes forget about the importance of nourishing my soul, and so this past week was an important reminder of both what feeds my soul and the importance of doing so.  

   What nourishes your soul and how might you make time for that?


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An Undivided Life

 
An Undivided Life
 

An Undivided Life 

   Many churches this week are celebrating the life of Francis of Assisi, a 12th-century friar, preacher and lover of nature and animals. I had the opportunity to visit his hometown Assisi, Italy last year, and my time there only increased my admiration for this man whose life and teachings continue to inspire the world some eight hundred years after his death. The power of Saint Francis is grounded in the fact that the way he humbly lived is life was so entirely congruent with is beliefs and teachings.

   Parker Palmer, a modern Quaker author, writes about living an "undivided life," a concept that guides all of our Living Compass wellness programs. To live an undivided life is to live like Francis of Assisi, where one's core values and beliefs orients all that one does. Saint Francis summed up what it means to live an undivided life with these words,  "Preach the gospel always, if necessary use words." 

   There is a well-known prayer, supposedly written by this man and thus referred to as the Prayer of St. Francis. For me, it has been an important compass that I've used as a guide for my life for many, many years as have many others. Although there is no concrete proof that he actually wrote this prayer it is entirely congruent with his life and teachings.  

   I close this week's column with this prayer in hopes that it may inspire all of us on our path to living an undivided life.

Lord, make us instruments of your peace. 
Where there is hatred, let us sow love; 
where there is injury, pardon; 
where there is doubt, faith; 
where there is despair, hope; 
where there is darkness, light; 
where there is sadness, joy.
 Grant that we may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; 
to be understood as to understand; 
to be loved as to love. 
For it is in giving that we receive; 
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; 
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.


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Healing Takes Time

 
Healing Takes Time
 

Healing Takes Time  

    While I am busy leading a training retreat in Chicago this week, my wife Holly is participating in the "Healing Trauma, Healing Communities Conference" in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. (Cllck here to learn about the conference). Over 1200 people from across the country are attending this gathering of some of the most nationally renown experts on trauma-informed care. It is encouraging to know that so many people are committed to helping others heal. The research clearly shows that unhealed trauma is a leading cause of many of the physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual health struggles found in Milwaukee, and all of our communities.

    One of the complicating factors of helping people heal from trauma is that people have a high capacity to hide the effects of traumatic experiences, not just for days or weeks, but even for decades. Hiding the injury initially seems like a good strategy of self-protection, but while things may look fine on the outside, the trauma is still being experienced internally. Stress levels may remain high, impacting the person at every level and the painful effects of the injury can, therefore, be triggered at any time.  

    A few years ago I wrote a column about a very minor trauma I experienced that involved having a fish hook embedded in my thumb. While the trauma was insignificant compared to what many others have experienced, the lesson learned from my healing process was profound. I would once again like to share some of the ideas from that column in hopes that they help us all better understand this important topic today.  What follows is an excerpt from my original column.

     It's been a month since the emergency room physician removed the embedded hook, and I have learned a valuable lesson from the healing process.  What has been remarkable is how quickly the surface level of my injury has healed.  The hole in my skin where the hook entered (and exited with the help of the doctor) has completely healed. If you were to look at it, you would not be able to notice that there had been an injury.  The internal healing, however, has been much slower.  I still have a great deal of pain deep within my thumb, and any bumping of it continues to trigger great discomfort.  

     The lesson in this is clear. Just because a person's wound may look healed and completely fine on the outside doesn't mean that the deeper, internal healing process matches the outside appearance.  A person who has experienced a traumatic loss or injury of any kind may appear "fine" shortly after their painful experience.  They may even report that they are "fine" when asked. But we need to be aware that the healing of the deeper wound from their loss will take much longer.  It is also wise to know that any experience that bumps up against this loss will continue to cause discomfort for a long time, perhaps for years, to come. This is why if you ask someone about a loss or trauma that occurred many years ago, you will often find that the emotions related to the initial experience come to the surface quite easily.

     Perhaps you know someone who looks like they are doing "fine" on the outside but is still experiencing a deeper, internal pain on the inside. Maybe that person is even you in some way.  I hope my lesson from my unfortunate tangle with a fish hook in my thumb can serve as a reminder that deeper healing always takes longer than we expect. We are thus wise to be careful and gentle with ourselves and/or others during the healing process, listening deeply and offering compassion and care.


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Make Someone Smile

 
Make Someone Smile
 

Make Someone Smile 

     My wife and I received a forwarded email today that made us smile.

     Here is the backstory on the email.  Our grandsons attend a Montessori school, and the teacher of our almost five-year-old grandson sent his parents an email outlining in great detail how actively he had been engaged in a project at school that day. Without going into all the details, it was quite a complex project that he and a friend were working on, one that required quite a bit of focus and concentration. The teacher was so pleased with what she had observed that she took the time to describe what happened in an email, and sent it to our son and daughter-in-law. They then shared the teacher's correspondence with us, which is what caused our faces to shine with delight earlier today.

    And there were more happy faces to come. As excited grandparents we, of course, shared the story of our grandson's activities with a few others throughout the day. And they smiled, too.

    I am not proud of the fact that I am sometimes far too quick to spread news that is negative.  I know how easy it is to do. So I needed the reminder that arrived in a forwarded email this morning, that it is just as easy to spread positivity as it is negativity. It only took our grandson's teacher a few minutes to write the original email, and our daughter-in-law, less time than that, to pass it on.

   How might you share positivity with others today? 

   Be the reason someone smiles today.


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