In The Same Boat

My wife and I love to spend time in the wilderness. A few years ago we were canoeing in Quetico Provincial Park in Canada, a very remote park that is only accessible by canoe.  One summer day we were canoeing across a very large lake, probably a mile across, looking for our next place to set up camp and it was getting late.  We were in the middle of the lake, with a fully loaded canoe and were already somewhat anxious about finding the portage that would allow us to get to the next lake, our destination for the day.  Suddenly, I noticed that a storm had come up behind us; the sky got increasingly dark and the temperature dropped.  Soon there was lightening in the distance, and we both knew the last place we wanted to be at that moment was in the middle of a large body of water.So what did we do?  We did what any two people would do in such a situation.  We started to argue with each other!  I think I raised my voice first.  “I told you there was a chance of a storm and that we shouldn't have come out here today!”  Soon the shouting went back and forth, “Why aren't you paddling harder?!”  “Don't paddle on the left, paddle on the right!”  “Don't you know how to read the map?” “Don't head for that part of the shore--go in this direction!”

After several minutes of this, there was silence, which was soon broken by joint laughter.   Fortunately, at that moment, we realized that we were not really mad at each other at all, but that the approaching storm had scared us both so much that we began to turn against each other.  The storm was the “problem” and yet in the midst of our anxiety we had temporarily made each other the “problem.” Whenever a group of people find themselves in the midst of a “storm” they are vulnerable to turning against one another rather than working together.  Perhaps this is one factor in understanding why this most recent election season was so negative and polarizing.  Our country is in the midst of a prolonged economic “storm” that is taking a toll on many individuals and families.  In the midst of that storm it is easy to turn against one another and to cast blame on the other person, the other party, for the storm. “You (your party) got us into this mess!”

“We need more paddling on the left!”

“No we don't--we need more paddling on the right!”

“You are heading in the wrong direction--what are you thinking?!” All groups of people are vulnerable to turning against one another in the midst of adversity.  This includes couples, families, organizations, work teams, sports teams, and communities as a whole.  At such times we need to remember to take a step back and get a larger perspective.  Even when people are feeling strongly divided, there is usually more that unites them than that which is currently dividing them.  Mitt Romney spoke to this powerful truth in his gracious concession speech on Tuesday night.  He reminded us all of the greater principles that transcend partisan politics and unite us all.  He called on leaders of all kinds--economic, spiritual, community and family--to focus on the higher principles on which this nation is based:honest, charity, integrity, and family. My wife and I realized something important that day we were canoeing in the midst of a fierce storm.  We were in that boat together and our ability to survive the storm and make it safely to shore depended on us working together.  There needed to be strong paddling on the both the left and right side of the boat because if all the paddling is done on one side of the boat it will go around in circles. Now that the fierce storm of this election has passed, leaders from both parties are calling for a renewed effort to work together, focussing on that which unites us in order to address the storms that we all face together.   May we join with them in our commitment to do the same, not just in our politics, but in our families and friendships as well.  Really, we are all in this boat of life together!

Pay Attention to the Olivet Eagles

One of the core teachings of our Living Compass Wellness Initiative is “whatever we pay attention to is what will grow.”  If we focus our attention on what irritates us about a friend or family member, for example, our irritable feelings toward that person will grow.  If, instead, we focus our attention on what is delightful and lovable about that person, then the positive feelings we have about our friend or family member will grow.  This principle also applies to any group we are a part of--a team, our neighborhood, our workplace, or our congregation.  What we “water” in life with our attention, is what will grow. We had a great opportunity to make such a decision regarding what we pay attention to when it came to football this past week.  There has been a great deal of attention already paid to a very negative and troubling situation involving hazing and bullying connected to the Miami Dolphins.  While this story has been getting all sorts of attention, there has been another football story that has received much less publicity, that I would like to call our attention to.

I  invite you to shift your attention away from the Dolphins for the time being and instead focus your attention on the Eagles.  Not the Philadelphia Eagles, but the Olivet Eagles.  What, you've never heard of the Olivet Eagles?  Well, that's about to change.  The Olivet Eagles is a middle school football team from Olivet, Michigan, located thirty miles southwest of Lansing.  This team made the national news this past week for a creative play the team executed for a special student in their school and fellow teammate..

The play was known as the “Keith Special” and it was a play that the kids on the team thought up on their own.  In a game last week, the quarterback of the team, Sheridan Hedrik, could have easily scored on a running play, but instead took a knee on the one yard line as was secretly planned.  During the next play, the ball was handed to Keith Orr, a child with special needs, and then surrounded by his teammates, Keith was escorted into the end zone untouched!

As you can see, as you watch the video of this story (you will find a link to the video below) this play not only had a profound effect on Keith, but on the other players and Keith's parents, too.

Even if you are not a person who pays attention to football of any sort , I invite you to give three minutes of your attention to this video.   In the end, it's not really a video about football, but is a video of how the boys on the Olivet Eagles football team were profoundly changed because of what they chose to pay attention to. This story is a helpful reminder that we are all impacted by what we pay attention to each day and we have the power to decide what will hold our attention at any given moment.

You can find the CBS video of this story at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VFC-d0m6c0 

Let Your Light So Shine

In honor of All Saint's Day, which is today, I share the following story that captures beautifully what I think it means to be a saint. A pastor of a medium-sized, historic church had a regular practice of inviting all the children to come forward each Sunday to sit on the floor with her as she shared a children's sermon with them.  Because of the playful and unscripted interactions between the pastor and the children, these weekly messages were enjoyed as much by the adults as by the children, because as we know, kids really do say the darndest things.

One year, while  celebrating All Saint's Day, the pastor began her message by talking a little bit about the meaning of All Saint's Day and how this day is connected with the celebration of Halloween, or All Hallow's Eve.  She then paused and asked the children if any of them knew what a saint was.  Several answers were given, but there is one reply that everyone still remembers. It was given when one little boy pointed up at the large stain glass windows, each depicting a famous historical saint in almost life size detail, found throughout the church.   On that Sunday morning several of the saint's windows seemed to almost come to life as the sun shone through the stained glass.  The little boy pointed up at the windows that were illuminated and said, “Saints are those people who the light shines through.”  Indeed, I can think of no better definition of a saint than “a person who the light shines through!”

Hopefully, we are all blessed to have at least a few people in our lives through whom the light of love, peace, and joy shines.  We are energized by their vital spirit and are drawn to the light which they radiate.   On  All Saint's Day, though, it is traditional to think about the saints we have known in our lives who are no longer with us.   All Saint's Day is a perfect time to pause and offer our gratitude for their presence in our lives.  The light from these saints, though they may have died recently or long ago, continues to shine in and through our lives.    For all these saints, who from their labors rest, we give special thanks on this day.

One of the best ways to remember and honor the saints in our lives, both present and past, is to pass on the light that they have given to us.  There is a well-known children's hymn, sung this time of year, that talks about the many kinds of saints around us, and then goes on to declare the intention “that I aim to be one, too.”    Aiming to be a saint may seem daunting and make you uncomfortable, but that's a good thing, because humility is one of the qualities of being saint-like.  In honor of loved ones you have lost you may  strive to be a person “whom the light shines through,” for others,  remembering that what's most significant in that description of a saint is not the person through whom it is shining, but the very light that is shining and the joy that the light brings to the world.

This All Saint's Day I invite us all to remember and give thanks for the saints who have illuminated our lives and whose light continues to shine on and through us.  I also invite us to reflect and recommit to the people and places in our corner of the world that need illumination and to be both humble and dedicated enough to consider how we can be the light of love, joy, and hope to those around us who are most in need of such light.

No Tricks, Just Treats, For 24 Hours

Before you read any farther, please stop and note what time it is.  Remember the time, because for the next 24 hours I invite you to join me in taking the challenge to abide by the advice offered in the box above: Go 24 hours without complaining.  (Not even once.)  Can you do it?  Can I do it?  Of course we can.  Will we?  That remains to be seen. Negativity is easy and rampant.   The half-empty view of life is all around us.  Like a virus, it's highly contagious.  Being cynical is defended as simply being realistic.  Pick a topic -- whether it be politics, religion, families, today's youth, health care, or education. and it's easy to find  naysayers espousing their negativity about what's wrong with _______(fill in the blank).

As part of the annual celebration of Halloween, millions of children will knock on peoples' door next week and greet those who answer with a simple question, “trick or treat?”  Treats will almost always be given, and thus the tricks will be avoided.  In a sense, the question, “trick or treat?” is a great question, not just for Halloween, but as a question that asks each of us to reflect on how we see ourselves, our life, and the world around us.

Seeing life as primarily a trick gives rise to negativity which naturally gives rise to  expressions of complaint.  Seeing life as primarily a treat gives rise to a positive attitude and expressions of gratitude.  Life is, of course, a mixture of tricks and treats.  Bad things happen to good people.  Life is truly not fair. at.  What I am talking about here though, is one's pervasive attitude about one's life, work, family, friends, and life itself.  Do you see life primarily as a trick or a treat? What do your comments and complaints tell others about how you see the world?

If you have a habit of being a negative, complaining person, I invite you, in the spirit of Halloween, to dress up as a positive, grateful person from now until Halloween.  If that seems like more than you can handle, then try dressing up as a hopeful, “half-full” person for at least the next 24 hours.  Of course, if you have been a negative person for some time, people around you will recognize that you are dressing up as someone who's not really you, but that will be okay.  Over time, you, and others around you, may like the new, less frightening look you will be sporting, and it might start to grow on you. Eventually, it might not end up being a costume after all!

Okay, unless you have uttered some negative words while reading this column, you have 23 hours 57 minutes left in your challenge for zero tolerance when it comes to complaining.  If you slip up, the clock starts over again until you have accomplished a complaint free 24 hours.  Have fun with this little trick and invite others to try it as well.  And know that as you do this, you will providing a treat not just for yourself, but for the people who know you best.

Standing In The Need of Prayer

If you are like me, you did not know the name of the Chaplain to the United States Senate until this past two weeks.  Chaplain Barry Black, pictured above, became quite well known during the recent government shutdown for the one minute prayers he offered each time the Senate was in session, something he has been doing for the last ten years.   Black says that his Senate prayers are simply a conversation he is having with God.  He adds, “The fact that the Senators overhear it, is just one of the fortuitous advantages of what I do.” During the shutdown, it seems that it was not just the Senators that were overhearing Black's prayers, but the entire country.  The magnitude of the chaplain's popularity was confirmed when he was featured in a Saturday Night Live television skit this past weekend.  If you happened to miss some of the most publicized lines from Black's prayers, here are a few of them:

“Have mercy upon us, O God, save us from the madness.”

“Forgive them for the blunders they have committed.”

“Remove them from that stubborn pride.”

“Give them a hatred of all hypocrisy, deceit and shame as they seek to replace them with gentleness, patience and truth.”

“Inspire them to take a step back from partisanship and to take a step forward toward patriotism, striving to strengthen and not weaken this land we love.”

“Deliver us from the hypocrisy of attempting to sound reasonable while being unreasonable.”

This is a weekly column about wellness and if you are wondering what this all has to do with wellness, here's the connection.  Whenever any of us get stuck or off track, either personally or in relationships with others, turning to our spirituality is often the best way to get unstuck and move forward.  This is because spirituality speaks of the universal truths in life, truths that are easy for us to forget when we are in the midst of conflict with ourselves or with others.

Senator Joe Manchin, a Democrat from West Virginia, said, “Chaplain Black has the respect of everyone--Republicans and Democrats.”  Authentic spirituality transcends differences and invites everyone to a genuine humility and self-reflection. When we are lost in the wilderness of our pride and self-righteousness, spirituality provides a compass by which we can find our direction forward again.

The next time any of us are in the midst of a conflict with someone we care about, whether at work or at home, I hope we can remember and take to heart the prayers of our Senate Chaplain.  If we do, it just might help deliver us from the hypocrisy of trying to sound reasonable while we are being unreasonable.  Or it might help us to remove our stubborn pride.  Or it might help us to ask for forgiveness for the blunders we have committed.  Or perhaps, best of all, it might help us to take a step back from the partisanship in our lives and instead take a step forward toward the person or persons that we love most.

Thank you Chaplain Barry Black for reminding us of the positive influence that both spirituality and prayer can have in making us well.