W.A.I.T.
We have a saying in our wellness coaching programs that I regularly try to practice. The expression is, “Whatever we pay attention to is what will grow.”
I put this saying into practice by choosing some aspect of well-being that I want to grow by paying more attention to it. The area I have been focusing on the last few months is being a better listener. I don’t think I’m a poor listener, but I know there is much room for improvement. I like to talk, sometimes too much, and so I have been paying more attention to pausing and listening.
And as the universe would have it, I came across a helpful acronym this week that is enhancing my commitment to be a better listener. The acronym is “W.A.I.T.,” which stands for "Why Am I Talking?" The wisdom here is to practice being more comfortable waiting when someone is speaking to us and being more comfortable with not needing to fill up silences that naturally occur when someone pauses while sharing a story or an emotion. The acronym invites us to be more mindful about why we might have the urge to talk.
It’s not, of course, that talking is wrong, but mindless talking is rarely helpful and seldom enhances or deepens a conversation. W.A.I.T. is not about refraining from talking, but about refraining from empty chatter because we are either uncomfortable or need to steer the conversation back to ourselves. Here’s an example of the latter. I am listening to someone and hear them share something that relates to me, and so I immediately hijack the conversation and interrupt them to tell them about an experience that I have had that might, at best, tangentially relate to what they were just talking about. That’s a perfect time for me to pause and ask, “W.A.I.T.-Why Am I Talking?”
Here’s one more example. Someone is sharing an uncomfortable emotion, such as talking about grief or how hard the last year has been for them. If I forget to “W.A.I.T,” I might be tempted to jump in with a positive comment to try and redirect the conversation and cheer them up, something that is rarely helpful or appreciated. Instead, if I can simply be present and listen to their discomfort—and perhaps mine—I will offer them one of the most meaningful gifts of all, the gift of authentic listening.
The chances are pretty good that you won't have to wait long to have the opportunity to try out this advice. Next time you are in a conversation with someone, I encourage you to remember “W.A.I.T.—Why Am I Talking?” and see if it makes a positive difference--for you and for them.
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